Lessons Learned

EDUCATION: OUR CHILDREN’S TREASURE

2010-02-17T14:42:00.029+08:00

Kinder 2 PTA President, SY 2009-2010

It was April 2, 2006 when our daughter, ANNE RINCHEL N. PAGUE, celebrated her 4^th birthday. After that celebration, my wife and I began to think about enrolling our child to a school that had a nursery program. My wife had heard of a school somewhere in Macasandig, Cagayan de Oro, where we then enrolled our child. After a year, though, it seemed that something was lacking in our child’s education. She had memorized her ABC’s and could identify primary colors, among other things, but we felt it wasn’t enough. So we began to ask our family friends and officemates about the schools where their children were enrolled. A Ninang of our daughter told us to try LIFETIME STUDY CENTER near the St. Augustine Metropolitan Cathedral.

So, for the next school year, we enrolled our daughter to the said school with the hope and aspiration that perhaps our daughter may have a better foundation before entering the elementary grades.

Since I was always busy in the office, my wife kept track of the progress of our daughter in her studies. After just a few months in this new school, I was surprised when, as we were watching TV, my daughter started reading the 2- to 3-syllable words that were flashing on the screen. As a doting father, nothing is sweeter than hearing your child start reading and pronouncing words well. In the middle of the year, my daughter had started to count numbers up to 100 and match colors with their names. Not only that, when the school year ended, I heard my daughter memorizing a presentation for the school's Closing Program where she was one of the primary characters. Seeing how my child progressed from a young toddler when she began studying at LIFETIME, it was more than parents could ask in a school that was simple and homey. This school has proven to be a school of wonders.
Anne, in red, reciting the part of the Little Red Hen,
with (from left to right) AR Yamut doing the Dog, Martin Pareja, the Cat and Karan Magsalay, the Duck.

AR, Martin, Karan & Anne performing "The Little Red Hen" again the following school year
during the National Children's Book Day held at SM City, Cagayan de Oro.
It was only after a year of her spending Kinder 1 at Lifetime Study Center that I learned that the school was headed by a mother and daughter tandem. I was also surprise that it was a classmate of mine in college and a good friend, KHESSA LOUISE F. LLUCH, also known as Teacher Karen, who was that said daughter.
(below) Teacher Marissa balancing Anne as she steps on an ostrich egg!

Her mother, ROQUEZA M. FLORES, fondly called Teacher Marissa by the kids and parents in and outside the school, is a very approachable and motherly mentor. She is very articulate and eloquent in imparting her lessons. At one time, having left early from the office, I was also early in picking up my daughter from school. I chanced upon Teacher Marissa calling the students one by one and asking them to read the given word shown on the board. She was very patient in teaching the lessons point by point and reasonably strict in imposing discipline in class. A kid who seemed too shy to come to the front of the class is now a very confident kid after a year in the school.

I, myself, having been raised in a family of educators - my Papa and Mama, being teachers themselves in a public secondary school - know how very tedious it is to prepare the lessons everyday. How much more when your students are kids who have yet to learn their first syllables. One must be patient, selfless and have a love and passion for teaching. These little kids are the reflection of the quality of education of their school. This stage is very critical since it is where the character of the child is first discovered and developed. With the progress that I have been witnessing in my own daughter, I realized that the key to being a good mentor and role model is very simple yet uncommon: it is loving what you are doing. I have found it in my child’s mentor and second mother in school, Teacher Marissa.

I once told my wife we had made not only the right choice but the best choice because one of the best things that has happened to our daughter, Anne, is when we enrolled her at LIFETIME STUDY CENTER. I know I speak for the proud parents of our children’s school when I say that the education that the children have received there is worth more than we have paid because it has given them a lifetime of treasures.

I salute all the teachers who untiringly share their knowledge and talents to the kids. Thanks for coming into our daughter’s life. May you continue to share and touch the lives of those kids in your school.

Keep up the good work and mabuhay po kayong lahat!

Dancing the end of the school year at Grand Caprice, Lim Ket Kai Center, Cagayan de Oro City.

BOOKWORMS

2010-01-26T15:08:00.015+08:00

In the heart of Cagayan de Oro City, a tiny pre-school called Lifetime Study Center has been in service since 1996. It has been catering to families who seek a good educational foundation for their children; a school where “lessons learned last a lifetime.”

I was the first student of its owner, Ms. Roqueza M. Flores. I have been under her wing long, long before she discovered her passion for teaching.

As her first student, I am told that I literally ate the pages of the first books I held. And for as long as I could remember, everywhere I looked, as long as she was there, books were always present: Bibles, dictionaries, romance novels, mysteries, self-help, religious & spiritual books, encyclopedias, comic books, children’s storybooks, books on all sorts of subject surrounded her house, and now, her school.

I realized that Marissa, as she likes to be called, mostly makes sense of the world through what she learns from the books she reads. Before Rhonda Byrnes authored “The Secret”, Marissa has been reading about the power of visualization and positive thinking way back in high school. She has, in her own way, been a staunch supporter of self-improvement: immersing herself and her surroundings with things and reading materials that entertain, educate, uplift and inspire. These books are what, I believe through the grace of God, helped her rise above adversity.

Being her life long student, I have acquired the same love for books, the same thirst to be educated by authors, especially those whose message is Jesus’ commandment: Love.

Indeed, the things we love are embedded into the fabric of our lives. No wonder, then, that Teacher Marissa/Khessa formulated the vision that lessons taught at her school are only those that will serve a person best and therefore last for a lifetime.

Aside from developing in her pupils the love for reading, Teacher Marissa is an advocate of effective communication without compromising the truth. She passes on to her employees, shares with the parents, and relates with the children what she has learned on communication, and rightfully demands that such healthy language (verbal and non-verbal) be used in daily interactions with the pupils and parents, and among faculty and staff of Lifetime Study Center. This has been one of her strongest assets: effective communication as taught in “How to Talk so Kids will Listen” (by Elaine Mazlish), among other sources.

All communication will reflect the truth only if the inner life is nurtured and cultivated. For as long as I can remember, Marissa, who is luckily not only my teacher but first and foremost, my Mom, has always said that “God has called each of us by name.” Despite the difficulties in her life, she has always put God first, never compromising the values of integrity, honesty and truth even at the expense of her "public image". One of her favorite spiritual quotes is “God is the author of our lives”. And indeed, because she has invoked God in bad times and always credited God for the successes, God has led her to seek out understanding the world and herself, and has given her the courage to be where she is right now.

I believe that her search for authenticity (as evidenced by her being a student of Philosophy) and her strong yet quiet faith in God have led her to enthusiastically and fearlessly share her love in the joy of learning and all it entails, not only to me but to everyone whom she encounters.

And to those who know her, they would agree that because my Mom wears her heart on her sleeve, conversations and lessons shared stay for a long time, if not a lifetime.

My siblings and I are fortunate to have our Mom as our Mom.

I am lucky to have been the first student of my God-loving, truth-seeking, bookworm teacher; the mother who proudly shares that her baby ate the first books she held.

Khessa Louise F. Lluch

January 26, 2010

By Sabrina

2010-01-25T23:44:00.010+08:00

My interest in learning and my general curiosity at the world and how it worked began when I was very little. I think my parents considered me a very precocious child and so did my teachers. I went to Preschool but I don’t really remember that time very much. What I remember about my learning experience when I was a child was when I started Kindergarten. I really liked Kindergarten; we were a small community so everyone knew each other’s names and treated each other as more than just classmates but really good friends. Even the parents formed a little community and I’m pretty sure they still meet every once in a while to catch up.

The core of my experiences in Kindergarten was my teacher, Teacher Khessa. She was what made everyone in that school love to learn; she just made it so much fun and so easy to understand. She made the school not just an academe, but a place where learning, friendship and just a lot of joy could coincide without a lot of restricting rules. She basically just wanted us to respect one another and enjoy as much as we could in learning the things that she taught us.

My friends and I sometimes visit Teacher Khessa at her school to talk and catch up on things and I see her with her students and I remember how I used to be in their shoes. I see their eyes light up in wonder at the books that she reads to them and the lessons that they gain from her and I think, I was just like them once! Teacher Khessa has become such an inspiration for so many people, especially her students. Because of her, they realize at such an early age that continuous learning is the key to success and to becoming the best person they can be.

I gained a lot of things when I was at her school: very good friends, an insatiable thirst for learning, and a teacher who has never stopped leading me the right way. It has been more than 10 years since I was under her tutelage at her school, but I know that I will never stop being her student.

LSC Class '98, LSC Pioneers!

A Singular Woman

2010-01-25T14:16:00.016+08:00

I first knew Mrs. Ma. Corazon S. del Fierro in 1979 when I enrolled my eldest daughter, Karen, as a nursery student at Little Schoolhouse. She was the owner of the school and at the same time the teacher of my daughter. She founded Little Schoolhouse in 1975 and at that time, it was really little!

One of the most unforgettable incidents of that time was when due to a miscommunication on who was to fetch my child, nobody fetched her at all. A little past noon, there was Mrs. del Fierro at our doorstep with my daughter. I was so impressed that she personally brought my child home. Due to this incident, though, my daughter would not allow me to be out of her sight when she was in school. So, there I was, from start to finish at the window of her classroom to offer assurance that never would she be forgotten again.

This time outside Mrs. del Fierro’s classroom window was a learning experience for me. Many of the things that she did with her students then, I do now as a teacher. Most notable is the one-on-one relationship she developed with each child and the big part that books played in the curriculum. If memory serves me right, not a day went by when a story wasn’t read to the students.

One of Mrs. del Fierro’s talents, I believe, is the ability to detect potential teachers. When Karen was in Grade 2, Mrs. del Fierro asked me if I had finished studying. I was to graduate that March 1984. It so happened that she urgently needed a substitute teacher the January before I was to graduate and she contacted me to see if I was interested. I was and that was the start of my teaching career. I know I made a lot of mistakes then but Mrs. del Fierro was very patient and gave me time to get my bearing and improve. I’m sure many teaching careers were started by Mrs. del Fierro – the excellent teachers in Corpus Christi Grade School is proof of that. In the 70’s and early 80’s, teaching was not that popular but Mrs. del Fierro was such an outstanding example of one that many saw the nobility of teaching through her.

The fulfilment I get from seeing students develop their potentials and bloom wouldn’t have been possible if Mrs. del Fierro did not see my potential for teaching. Had she not invited me to be with Little Schoolhouse, which eventually became Corpus Christi School, where I stayed for twelve years, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I am now a school owner, and still teaching, and many of the things that I have implemented in my school - in the way I deal with my employees and parents, for example, I have learned from observing Mrs. del Fierro in action. I will be forever grateful for her making allowances in letting me bring my son, Mikku, who was three years old when I joined Little Schoolhouse, and then my youngest daughter, Steffi, four years later, to school because I was the kind of parent who didn’t want to leave my children with caregivers.

A very important lesson I have also learned from her is that there is room for everyone at the top. When I opened my own preschool, Lifetime Study Center, in 1996, Mrs. del Fierro remained supportive.

Mrs. del Fierro is one of the most unselfish persons I know. She not only gives moral and spiritual support to people in her employ and those she comes in contact with but I know that she contributes to many worthwhile causes and worthy recipients in the community. These many activities, I know, go unnoticed because she prefers to do things without calling attention to herself.

Thoughtfulness, tact, generosity, an abiding belief in the goodness of people, the value of service and a deep faith in the Lord - these are just some of the things that I have seen Mrs. del Fierro embody and having been touched by her life, my life has also been enriched. Mrs. Ma. Corazon S. del Fierro may not have intentionally set out to be my mentor, but that was what she was to me and I am very, very grateful.

My Kinder 1 Morning Class the very first year I started my teaching career.

The Kinder 1 Afternoon Class of that same most memorable year.

The Brain and Playing the Piano

2009-12-05T06:48:00.017+08:00

My mother came from a time when it was de rigueur for girls to learn to play a musical instrument. So, despite being indifferent to and having no talent for the instrument, starting when I was around 7 years old and for the next 5 to 6 years, I had piano lessons at Zamora Music School.

It is a tribute to my piano teacher, the inestimable Mrs. Terry Zamora-Valdehueza (left), that I learned to play the piano at all and to love music . . . especially classical music, considering that I went to her school mainly to play with her son, Joe, and the other students!

It was only much, much later, though, that I fully appreciated how my piano lessons, with the guidance of a most gracious and patient teacher, had also helped me greatly in developing my thinking skills and learning self-discipline.

We are born with a preference for linear, logical and verbal or holistic, intuitive and non-verbal thinking. Brain development scientists have found that the left hemisphere of the brain does the former type of processing whereas the right hemisphere does the latter. This preference is manifested by which of our hands is more dominant. Since the left hemisphere of the brain communicates more with the right side of the body, being right-handed indicates to a large extent our preference for linear, logical, verbal processing. Being left-handed indicates that we think more holistically, intuitively and non-verbally. Many experts suggest that to exercise both hemispheres of the brain, and thus make it think more effectively in concert with each other, we should have activities that require using the left and right sides of the body.

Without realizing the far-reaching effect it was going to have for me, my mother gave me just the extra-curricular activity that was to stand me in good stead in my life - she had me take piano lessons. I still have vestigial memories of my left hand being stiff, awkward and opposed to any kind of command from my brain! But, through the relentless patience on the part of my teacher that resulted in many hours of practice on my part, the facility of using my left and right hands became automatic. Having to read notes, of course, only added to the mental exercise required in having piano lessons.

I am convinced that partly because I had to learn to play the piano, my thinking skills and the degree of discipline that I can muster are what they are now. And incalculable in its enhancing the quality of my life, the love of music was instilled in me.

Thank you, Mrs. Terry Zamora-Valdehueza, for the invaluable education and thank you, Joe, for the lifelong friendship.

Taken yesterday, Dec. 4, 2009, at Sentro 1859 Restaurant, Cagayan de Oro City, during the 87th Birthday Celebration of Mrs. Terry Zamora-Valdehueza. In the photo seated with me is Cichi Malferrari and at our backs are Joe Zamora Valdehueza, Orla Velez-Tablan and Ingrid Chavez-Agudo (former ZMS students), and Ingrid's children.

And there I was at 12 years old...with my playmates!

On Art and the Artist

2009-12-04T07:58:00.019+08:00

Being the pack rat that I was (trying to no longer be one), I did an overhaul of a shelf that hardly ever sees the light of day - it's where I relegate stuff I want to keep for posterity and stuff I do not know what to do with yet. Imagine my delight when, during the overhaul, I found newspapers yellowed with age and one in particular where an article had my "old name" as the title!

To cover my bases, I called Ametta Suarez-Taguchi, columnist, playwright, artist, teacher, friend (to name a few of the many hats she wears) who wrote the said article to ask her permission for me to post it here. This article appeared in her Sari-sari column in the August 18, 1998 issue of Sun Star, Cagayan de Oro.

Though my name may have been the title, the article is mostly about attitudes toward art and artists.

Thank you, Ametta!

KHESSA LLUCH

by Ametta Suarez-Taguchi

Of all the personality types of the Eastern Enneagram (a system of classifying the nine personality types and their peculiar characteristics), the most withdrawn individual is Number Four. To this number belong inventors, artists, or "creators". Among this group, perhaps the loneliest and most distanced from society is the artist, especially in Third World countries where art is generally considered a wasteful luxury. As a former maid of mine who grew up in the biggest ghetto in Cebu once said, "Ang drawing, Undo, dili baya maka-on. Pag-elektroniks na lang, anak."

Though there are Filipinos who buy art works, let's face it, Narda was right: most of us would rather peg our savings toward purchasing a new karaoke, furniture or throwing a party.

Much worse off than the visual artist is the theatre person when he has not yet made a name for himself or belongs to a society that is not receptive to his brand of art. Unlike in England, the U.S.A. and other First World nations, in the Philippines nobody would line up at the box office to buy a ticket to a live stage performance. Instead, one has to sell tickets door-to-door in competition with Avon and Tupperware, or even exert mild pressure on the market by attaching a charitable cause to the motive of the dance drama, concert or play being mounted. The person you approach does not say aloud, "Ang theatre, Day, di maka-on" but just the same wonders quietly whether it's wiser to spend P100.00 to watch the play of an unknown playwright (or even Shakespeare for that matter!) which only lasts two hours than to spend the amount on a tube of lipstick which lasts two months.

"Hay, Inday, pag-Avon lady na lang," Narda would advise the theatre lover.

If one were to obey all the Nardas of the world, the artist would become an extinct animal, for even he who is as frugal as a Buddhist monk must earn money to buy his basic rice and kalamunggay. "Pues, mag-elektroniks siya," the Nardas would say, quite a reasonable advice actually, except that God has so designed the artist that he is completely inutile beyond his studio or stage. "Sus, di man magun-ob ang kalibutan kon wala ang artista ba," the Nardas would remark, adding, "pero ayaw lang intawon patya ang mga farmer, teacher, engineer, lawyer ug doctor."

It is the popular notion that the progress of the nation rests on the efforts of the farmer, the teacher, the engineer, the lawyer and the doctor. Usually forgotten in the equation is the artist. At best, he is considered the icing to the cake of progress; at worst, he is an eccentric pest you have to tolerate. Thus, a co-worker of mine told me to my face how pesky I am when he learned I dabble in play writing. "It's stupid to create a world that imitates life when there is so much of the real world to read about in the news. If I must buy something P100.00 and above, I'd rather buy a history book." I wish I were as fearless as the late Rolando Tinio whenever someone trivialized his work. During the performance of a play in which all the actors including him were required to be naked, the Assumptionistas in the audience began to giggle. Naked and with phallus dangling like a bat, he yelled, "PHILISTINES!"

In one column of his in the now-defunct The Globe, Tinio once wrote that we must rethink the idea that a poor nation does not need art, that it is the luxury of the rich. Citing Bertolt Brecht, he said that a nation becomes poor PRECISELY WHEN IT DOES NOT SUPPORT ART! If you examine the great civilizations of the world, you'd notice they all showcase a wealth of artworks out of the archaeological diggings and that in their time, the artists were a vital force in the mainstream of daily life, including the life of the poor.

How does a nation become poor when it does not support art? Coldness toward the artist is a symptom that the citizens cannot think beyond the needs of the body. This small-minded attitude disables them from viewing life from a higher vista and finding the best solutions to their problems. When people cease to use their imagination, they turn off the fuel needed to move forward and rise. To cite an example, why is America so rich and powerful? Because her leaders put a very high premium on creativity which is needed to operate a multi-dimensional system of solving a problem. Creativity is nurtured in all aspects of life but nowhere more obsessively than in the system of education. Our leaders in the Third World, on the other hand, encourage their constituents to rot in the dead-end of one-dimensional thinking.

If you consider that the artist is the person who opens your imagination and creativity, you would stop thinking of him as mere "icing." Instead, you would start valuing him as the very yeast of life.

Unfortunately, our government is not impressed by the thinking of Rolando Tinio. Yet someone must take up the cause of creative thinking and art for our nation to grow, and the best person to do the job when no one else cares is the teacher.

For this reason, I admire KHESSA LLUCH, former Corpus Christi teacher and now the directress of Lifetime Learning Center which is purely devoted to kindergarten education. Last Thursday, she brought her young students to view "Mga Babaeng Buhat," a Cebuano comedy which plays on weekends until September.

According to Khessa, "I want to inculcate an appreciation for art and, of course, creative thinking as early as possible because it is at this stage - at four-to-six years of age - that the person's values are fundamentally shaped. It is not enough to make the children draw, paint and sculpt with clay - they must also be introduced to the performing arts and make them see the behind-the-scenes underpinnings."

Thus, after curtain call, Khessa brought her pupils to the stage, introduced them to the cast and the crew and allowed them to examine the set, the lights and the sound system.

There were hilarious moments such as the remark of one child to Khessa, "Teacher, gibalhin nimo imong balay dinhi (the set resembles a real home)?"

Another child whose house is entirely airconditioned asked, "Asa ang aircon?"

A tot I accompanied to the "bathroom" of the "house" was surprised to find out that it did not have a working faucet. When I showed her that the door to a "bedroom" opened to the back of the stage, she giggled. "Puede butangan og tinuoray nga kuwarto?"

"Oo," I answered.

"Pero puede sab wala," she said. "Puede duyan?"

My God, at five, she was already exhibiting multi-dimensional, creative thinking!

May there be more Khessa to nurture such a potential!

That ends the article. Once again, thank you very much, Ametta!

Following are loose translations and notes from the above article:

"Ang drawing, Undo, dili baya maka-on. Pag-elektroniks na lang, anak."

"Undo, you cannot eat etchings. Might as well take up electronics, son."

"Sus, di man magun-ob ang kalibutan kon wala ang artista ba," . . . "pero ayaw lang intawon patya ang mga farmer, teacher, engineer, lawyer ug doctor."

"The world will not come to an end without the artist but please do not kill off the farmer, teacher, engineer, lawyer and doctor."

Mga Babaeng Buhat

Womankind

"Teacher, gibalhin nimo imong balay dinhi?"

"Teacher, you've moved your house here?"

"Asa ang aircon?"

"Where's the aircon?"

"Puede butangan og tinuoray nga kuwarto?" . . . "Pero puede sab wala," . . . "Puede duyan?"

"Can we put a real bedroom in there? Although, none is fine... Perhaps a hammock?"

Oo - Yes

For the inquiring minds: Khessa Lluch = Marissa Flores (for the full disclosure on how the names came to be, please go to: http://surrenderandwin.blogspot.com/2008/11/call-me-marissa.html)

The Rewards of Teaching and Parenting

2009-11-22T09:27:00.027+08:00

Following is an email I got from the mother of a former student. With her permission, I'm posting it here.

This letter is especially gratifying for me because Nancy Rebollido-Patilano is also a very accomplished special education teacher working in New York. One of the things I admire about her is that when she comes to the Philippines, she very generously shares the techniques and strategies that she has learned in the many training programs that she has participated in as a teacher there.

As a parent myself, I cannot fault her in rejoicing in the accomplishments of her children. As unconditional as our love for our children might be, we cannot but take pride in what they are able to do exceptionally well. As we teachers are frequently reminded, and as parents also need to bear in mind, "Civilizations will only continue to progress when our children eventually know and accomplish more than we do. Conversely, civilization will inevitably stagnate and even deteriorate when we keep them from being better than we are."

The informal Kinder 1 class picture of Ean and her classmates (with Teacher Marissa, far left, and Teacher Luz, far right), SY 05-06.

Dear T. Marissa,

As promised I am sending you SOME of the pictures we keep to always remind us about Lifetime Study Center. Ean has her own album and she still remembers some of her classmates back then.

Ean is doing great in school. She is in 4th grade now in a top class here in Queens. She is with 29 other 4th graders and all of them are A students from different schools in 3rd grade. I was able to talk to her teacher during the Parent-Teacher Conference and we are very happy of her progress in school. The teacher commented that she is a reader in her own time with all kinds of genres. We always look back on how she was exposed to books in your school. A pat on your back, guys! Keep it up!

Last year, she represented her school for the Science Quiz all over Queens and made it to the finals where there were only three contestants left. Unfortunately, she did not make it, she was eliminated and rendered the 3rd place. The first and 2nd contestants are Indian immigrants. Boy, they are really smart! We thought she will feel bad but she was okay. She said being in the finals was already a big accomplishment. She loves Science and she is attending a Science Enrichment Program in school now.

All students start to take the NY State Tests for English Language Arts (Reading) and Math in 3rd grade. Last year, she started taking the two tests. I really sat down and reviewed with her, especially with ELA because English is her second language. Tests are 25 items and with two essay items, the tests have a time limit of 2 hours. She did very well. Her ELA test result was 98% - not bad for an immigrant. Her Math test was exceptionally high, she got 100% in Math. Only 17 of all 6,000+ 3rd graders in all of New York State got that score. We are so proud! I hope she will do the same this time. She is taking the tests on February 2010.

We are really supporting her with her studies. Sometimes it is really overwhelming to balance everything. Me and my husband are busy with work and my other daughter is also in first grade now. It is a tough and a challenging life raising girls in America. We are encouraging her to take music, learn to play an instrument or learn some sports to balance everything. She is still the Ean back in Lifetime - quiet - but she is beginning to come out of her shell. She has friends who come to our apartment at times. We are really asking God to give us guidance and with His grace we are doing great!

I am so proud to tell you these updates because you and Lifetime played a big part with how Ean is doing right now. As a teacher myself, I always love to hear about my students and touch base with them. We thank God that we have one school in CDO like Lifetime Study Center and, of course, people who are committed to building a brighter future. People like you!

Our everlasting thanks and hope to see you guys in July 2010!

With every good wish,

Nancy

Following are some of the attached photos of the email sent to me by Nancy. (Captions are mine.)

Resting their heads are Ean and Jasmin Yasay. Jasmin also now lives with her family in New York.

LSC Field Trip at Lumbia Airport: With Ean in this picture, prior to boarding a plane, is Kikay Beja, who now lives in LA.

Singing "The Lord's Prayer," Christmas Program '04: In this picture with Ean are two other classmates who are also now on the other side of the globe: Mykah Absuelo, the girl at the center looking left, is in New York and Cheska Juliano, the girl with three fingers up, is in Canada.

Postscript: I hadn't realized that quite a few of my students in this class have migrated until I saw these pictures. Thank you so much, Nancy, for emailing these pictures and rekindling the memories.

A Tree's Birthday

2009-10-16T21:45:00.003+08:00

Last Oct. 3, some friends, my grandson and I went to a farm in Bukidnon to attack the durians and rambutans there. They were scrumptious!

We were also witness to the "birth" of a bottlebrush tree. To commemorate the planting of the sapling, we posed with it. We are hoping that many years from now, we'll still be partaking of the bounty of this piece of land and also marvel at how this sapling has grown into a very sturdy, lush tree.

The Exuberance of Children

2009-10-16T20:09:00.003+08:00

Being a teacher has truly been a blessing.

As children, my playmates and I would play school during weekends or on school breaks, among other childhood games, of course. And yet, I don't ever recall wanting to be a teacher when I grew up.

Now, I've been a teacher for 25 years and, in fact, some of my preschool students from long ago have children of their own. It is gratifying to know that I've been a part of many, many young lives and, hopefully, made a positive contribution to their growth as human beings.

Above is a photo taken earlier this afternoon when I was at St. Mary's School here in Cagayan de Oro. I've just finished judging their elocution contests for Grades 1, 2 and 3 and on my way out, I was happily mobbed by former students who now study there :-)

A Wonderful Filipino Tradition

2009-10-16T19:51:00.005+08:00

It is only now that I have a little over half a century's worth of living that I am truly appreciating what a wonderful gift having an extended family is.

Above is a photo of a meeting of some of my Maestrado relatives last Oct. 2, 2009 at Cagayan de Oro City. The objective of the meeting was to, hopefully, get to know as many of our relatives for us to be able to work together and organize a grand reunion in the near future.

Ladies and Gentlemen

2009-02-19T00:24:00.004+08:00

Above: Some of the members of the Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club and visiting toastmasters from other clubs...ladies and gentlemen all dressed up to celebrate the victory and glamour in their lives. Venue: VIP Hotel, Cagayan de Oro City, Feb. 18, 2009.

Steps to Serenity

2009-02-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

(This speech was given as Basic Speech Project #3 of Toastmasters International at the Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club, VIP Hotel, Cagayan de Oro City, Feb. 18, 2009.)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Ladies and gentlemen, guests, good evening.

Across the globe, 12 Step meetings start with that prayer. I've attended many such meetings as I have belonged to an Al-Anon Family Group since 1995.

The main tools of the Al-Anon program, a support group for relatives and friends of alcoholics, are the 12 Steps, adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as AA. This organization, founded in 1935, is where countless alcoholics have found sobriety through working the steps. Because of their proven power and worth, these 12 suggested steps have also been adapted by numerous other programs such as Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, to name but a few.

Meetings are the main venue for learning the steps and there are guidelines to ensure that the greatest number will benefit from the meetings.

What are the 12 Steps?

To encapsulate what could take years to fully comprehend and practice consistently, the 12 Steps are sequential actions that we may have to do over again and again in order to live a serene and joyful life.

The first 3 steps help us to have a truly personal relationship with a Higher Power. This relationship gives us the strength to look deep within ourselves with rigorous honesty and face life courageously.

Steps 4 through 10 involves a thorough self-examination of our strengths and weaknesses and where making amends might be order.

Steps 11 and 12 ensure that after we have done the initial clean up of the wreckage from our past, we continually clean house so that we are protected from going back to the chaos which, in the first place, was what brought us down to our knees.

When members share their experience, strength and hope in working the program, the multifaceted aspects of the 12 steps are revealed. On a given night, for example, if the topic is Step 1 - we admitted we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable - members may start by sharing what experiences have led them to the oftentimes unpalatable realization that no matter what they do, still their lives keep spiralling downward uncontrollably and move on to how they are working through that realization by utilizing Step 1.

As you can imagine, exposing personal vulnerabilities can be very scary which is why anonymity is a basic foundation of the program and why there is a "No Crosstalk" policy.

Anonymity is emphasized at the start of every meeting with the reminder: "Whom you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here." When confidentiality is assured, members can share more freely and thus benefit more from attending meetings.

And crosstalk?

Basically, crosstalk is interrupting another speaker to give advice, criticize, argue, augment or diminish what has been said.

In meetings, healing experiences depend on mutual respect of boundaries. Letting individual members have the floor exclusively, without interruption, for the length of their sharing can be the most respectful of boundaries members can accord each other. Additionally, members are exhorted to keep the focus on themselves only and limit responses to relating their own experiences with similar situations.

Advice which is not requested is often perceived as a veiled criticism and in these groups, acceptance is what most members need. Too often, feelings of rejection have been a constant companion in the past and, in fact, may still be in the present. Therefore, the group strives to be a safe environment where members can share their pain and their progress as they find their own solutions by working the program without fear of being judged.

It took me a long time to hold my tongue in meetings. It was through self-observation that I found I had the tendency to wrest attention by giving one and all a piece of my mind. How I wish I could say that I've been unflinching in this self-observation but I can't. There were many a time when I would wince at the realization that my almost non-stop "sharing" was itself an indication that I needed other people to acknowledge, and thereby validate, my existence thus revealing to me how fragile my sense of self-worth actually was.

Gradually, though, through almost 14 years of attending 12 Step meetings, I learned not to counsel but rather to just give an ear and a shoulder to cry on, if that was what was needed, so that my fellow travellers on the road to recovery will be self-empowered.

I learned that I wasn't God's gift to humankind and so curbed my tendencies to control and manipulate people and events.

Most of all, I've learned to listen. Now, when I catch myself interrupting someone or attempting to hijack a conversation, I abort that incipient relapse into old dysfunctional behaviors by keeping an eye on that guidepost that warns, "No crosstalk".

12 Step meetings, with its nurturing environment, was where I learned a lot of these skills and resolved many of my issues.

If you believe that you need the serenity to accept the things that are beyond your power to change, the courage to change what you can, no matter how inconvenient or difficult, and the wisdom to know which response is best, 12-Step meetings may be what could lead you to the attainment of those qualities and the quality of life they promise.

ADD

2008-12-17T22:53:00.000+08:00

(The following was my speech project #2 with the objective of "organize your speech" for Toastmasters. Given Dec. 17, 2008, VIP Hotel, Cagayan de Oro City)

Thoughtlessness, disorganization, procrastination...these three character defects, when exhibited by a person, may be indications that this person has attention deficit disorder.

Fellow Toastmasters, guests, good evening!

Tonight, I'd like to share with you how attention deficit disorder or ADD has played a role in my life and in the telling, I hope that I will be able to give you insights into how ADD can affect a person and maybe, just maybe, even let you realize that you yourself or a person you know may also have ADD.

Let me elaborate on these three character defects that used to plague me.

At the top of this list is thoughtlessness.
I had the unfortunate habit of thinking about many things at the same time that in the midst of a conversation with someone, I would suddenly call out to someone else to do this or to take care of that. My children had often said to me, "Mommy, please let me finish! You never listen!"

I have accepted that multitasking in this manner is thoughtlessness. It had given people I talked with the impression that they were not important enough to have my full attention. It had kept me from really listening to other people such that I had missed out on really getting to know them better. But, more importantly, it had driven a wedge between me and the people I love.

Second on my list is disorganization which can, occasionally, still be perceived in the way I speak. Of course, if you asked me then, I would have averred most vehemently that there was a rhyme and rhythm to the way I thought and spoke. Yet, listening to myself through the ears of others, I'd been made painfully aware that I can start to say something, think of something else, stop midway, start on another thought, backtrack, finish a thought started many elliptical sentences ago...even I got my own head spinning.

Also, athough alleviated somewhat from a ruthless commitment to be less disorganized, nevertheless, my ADD can still be observed through how I go from project to project. Some of my hobbies include cross stitching and solving jigsaw puzzles. Of course, as a teacher, I also make visual materials for my classes. Well, I start on a project, I get into the flow... and then - wham! - something else catches my attention and off I go. Before I know it, I'm into the flow of an entirely different activity. Add 5 or more other diversions and you get the picture of surfaces holding the dregs of projects yet to be completed.

Which leads me to the third character defect on my list: procrastination.
The frequency may have lessened to a certain extent now, but there was a time when I would get so distracted and diverted that I would get swamped with obligations and responsibilities that cannot be put off anymore because they have become very urgent. Making lesson plans, checking test papers, computing grades are not high on my list of fun things to do and that is why they are the frequent victims of my procrastination.

Guilt. Fear. Migraines. Hyperacidity. Hypertension. They are but a few of the price I pay for procrastinating.

Realizing that thoughtlessness, disorganization and procrastination are not in my best interest and despite the fact that I can blame them on having ADD, I have made a concerted effort to minimize their negative impact in my life and those around me.

Presence of mind has proven to be a very effective weapon against these character defects in my life. Mindfulness has allowed me not to give in to my tendency to think about too many things at the same time which, in the past, has led to thoughtlessness. Reminders of my life goals and doing first things first are keeping me from being disorganized and, as a consequence, has eliminated procrastination.

We may have afflictions such as attention deficit disorder and they may wreak havoc with our lives but with self-awareness, a firm commitment to self-improvement, a healthy dose of moral support from those around us, and medical help, if need be, we can clean up our act so that we can be present to the only life that really matters. This one. Right now.

Here's wishing you all a stress-free Christmas and let's resolve to meet the New Year more thoughtful, organized and punctual!

Call Me Marissa

2008-12-03T23:10:00.011+08:00

Note: the following was my speech as a new member of the Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club. This particular meeting was held at VIP Hotel, Cagayan de Oro City.

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

I have always loved words and sharing ideas and I have also always had a strong drive for self-improvement. And from what I have seen so far from attending meetings as a guest, I believe that in Toastmasters Club, I will find like-minded people.

Therefore, I would like to thank the current president of the Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club, Joji Saniel Macabodbod, for inviting me to join the group. I have also asked her to be my mentor and she has accepted. Joji, thank you very much!

Last week, together with Joji, I attended as a guest the meeting of the Cagayan de Oro Toastmasters Club and at that meeting, they inducted a new member, Karen Alipato, who then gave her ice breaker speech that night. I decided to do the same. I felt that introducing myself to the group, the topic of Project #1, the Ice Breaker Speech, was a good way to start my journey with Toastmasters.

I was born Roqueza Maestrado Abian in Magsaysay, Misamis Oriental. When I was about 2 years old, my natural mother, believing that she could not give me as bright a future she wanted, gave me to a relative here in Cagayan de Oro City, who then legally adopted me. I became Roqueza Maestrado Flores.

Growing up, my relatives and friends in the neighborhood called me Marissa - short for Maria Roqueza which should have been my complete birth name. When I started Kindergarten at Lourdes College, it was the custom then for the nuns and teachers to call the students by their real names. So, in school, I was Roqueza which eventually was shortened to Quesa/Khessa.

I graduated from Lourdes College High School and went on to Xavier University for my college degree which was Bachelor of Arts, Major in Philosophy. I am almost through with my M.A. in School Administration, also at Xavier University. I hope to get back to it and finish it in the near future.

When I got married, I became Roqueza Flores Lluch. I have 3 children: Karen, who is 33 years old. She teaches preschool. Mikku, 27, who is between jobs right now. And Steffi, 20, taking up HRM at Liceo University. I have a grandson, Mitch. He is Karen's son and is 9 years old and in Grade 3 at St. Mary's School.

My first teaching job was at Corpus Christi School, then Little Schoolhouse 24 years ago. I was called Teacher Khessa by my students there. In 1996, I decided to open my own school, Lifetime Study Center, a preschool for children aged 2 to 6 years old. I am blessed to have a daughter who also finds fulfillment and satisfaction in teaching young minds. Karen has been an invaluable part of the school for many years now. I am happy to say that we have been giving a strong, solid educational foundation to the children entrusted to our care for the past 12 years and hopefully, for many more years to come.

Five years ago, I decided to revert to my childhood nickname of Marissa to signify my coming to terms with the circumstances of my early childhood. And for the past five years now, my new students have been calling me Teacher Marissa. I know that my old students (some of whom are here) and old friends, like Joji who was a co-teacher at Corpus Christi all those years ago, are finding it a little difficult to switch from Khessa to Marissa but I know that in time, it will roll off their tongues effortlessly just as I hope that with constant sharpening of the tongue - oops! sharpening of the saw, as Stephen Covey would put it, here at Toastmasters, I will also be able to come up with speeches and deliver them just as effortlessly as many of you here can.

I know that my communication and leadership skills, which will definitely be needed if I am to make a positive contribution wherever I may be, will be honed even further if I apply myself to the principles and practices as laid out by the club.

I look forward to getting to know each and everyone of you better as we walk together along this path to self-actualization and being of service to the people we meet along the way.

I am Marissa and I am very happy to be one of you.

After All These Years

2008-09-14T06:28:00.008+08:00

In May 2008, after 10 years since their Kindergarten graduation and before embarking on their college education, some of the pioneers of Lifetime Study Center had a series of get-togethers.

The meeting at Roadhouse, SM Cagayan de Oro (left) ironed out the details of the outing planned for the following weekend at Mapawa Adventure Park. In that meeting were: from left to right (back, standing): Carina, Charmaine, Teacher Khessa, Carl; and from left to right (front, seated): Dimple, Francis, Dana, Kirby, Jeidren, Monarth, Sabrina.

Thank you, LSC Class 1998, for treasuring your kinder years and the friends you've made then. It is good to know that not only lessons learned at Lifetime last but also friendships made.

To all the parents, past and present, of LSC, thank you very much for entrusting your children to us.

To the parents of these pioneers, a very special thanks, indeed. In 1996, LSC was in its infancy and we had a long way to go in terms of equipment and facilities but you believed enough in our capacity to give your children a solid educational foundation and it is very gratifying, after all these years and proven with time, that we have.

All Young at 50! (We Insist!!!)

2008-08-15T12:36:00.002+08:00

Nature and Nurture

2008-04-27T10:04:00.018+08:00

Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2008
From: "Maybelle Alcala"
Subject: Re: about joshua
To: "Marissa Flores"

The proud mom! i am!

yes you may post it and let me know so that maka read ko ha. thanx again.

maybelle

----- Original Message ----

Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2008
From: "Marissa Flores"
Subject: Re: about joshua
To: "Maybelle Alcala"

I'm very happy to hear that Josh and AJ are doing very well. The genes will out :) and where do they come from??? The teacher just facilitates their maximum utilization.

By the way, with your permission, I'll post your email in my blog :)

Marissa

Right: Josh, center, with another Josh (Dejoras) and Khyle.

Maybelle Alcala wrote:

gud pm.

I can't wait to tell you josh' performance in his summer class in science and math. I enrolled him for a tutorial class in science and math so that it would help him for the grade I science class come june 2008.

Just this pm, I asked the teacher how is josh in their class, she answered that josh is not just doing good but very good! (imagine the smile i had in my face upon hearing it, very heart warming!) "He is a potential science class student", she added. On my way to the office, my face beamed with pride, and there is only person or one school, for that matter that came to my mind that i have to give thanks to, and that is no other than, Marissa Lluch, Lifetime Study Center. I know and I believe that the knowledge, learning and experiences (laughter, joys, trials, if there's any) that he got from LSC will go a long way, even for a lifetime. Kudos! to you and to all your staff.

By the way Jeremiah will be in grade IV come june 2008. By God's grace, he is still in the fast learner's (FL) class from Grade I to III (with honors still!). He have just finished the exam for FL IV and hopefully will qualify for the science class exam come june 2008.

The name of the tutor of joshua now is jennifer eguia. she said you were classmates at XU in your masteral studies. teacher jennifer asked me about the prep school of josh. She will be the class adviser of grade I science class. I hope and pray that josh will make it. (stage mother talaga!).

Again thank you and God bless you always. extend my thanks and gratefulness to all of your staff.

I wish i can post this in your blogs but sorry for my limited knowledge in navigating the e-highway! he he he

AJ or Jeremiah (far right) with former classmates at LSC: Mitch, Mia and Czarina.

Message from Irene C. Manganar, Kindergarten PTA President, SY '07-08

2008-03-16T13:59:00.023+08:00

This speech, given at the Kindergarten Graduation Exercises, held last March 14, 2008, at Grand Caprice, Lim Ket Kai Mall, Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines, is posted here with the permission of Mrs. Irene Castillo Manganar, Kindergarten 2 PTA President for School Year 2007-2008.

I would like to begin by sharing with you a conversation I had with my daughter, JAZZTINE, recently.

Upon going to LSC (Lifetime Study Center) one morning, I asked her where she wants me to enroll her for Grade I. She replied with no hesitation at all, "I want to be enrolled at Lifetime." I answered back, "You can’t go to Grade I at Lifetime because they only accept up to Kinder 2." To my surprise, she asked, "Can you enroll me again to Kinder 2?" Then she said "Joke, joke!" She was laughing and so was I.

Maybe, it was a joke but, come to think of it, if I look at it from another perspective, I think that this may be an indication that my daughter finds LSC attractive and comfortable for learning.

So I must say, maybe this should be addressed by our Director and she should give a thought on expanding her school.

Anyway, enough of that…

I would like to greet everyone a pleasant and delightful good afternoon.

First, I would like to congratulate us, the PARENTS, for giving our children the BEST preparatory education. Lifetime Study Center really gave our children first hand lessons, values and experiences that will last a LIFETIME.

Speaking for myself, the mother of two great children, I never regretted my decision to transfer my youngest child, my daughter, Jazztine, to LSC. Having seen the performance of my older child, my son, James Juñor, who graduated from Lifetime 5 years ago, I can proudly say this was the best choice that I made for them. Studying at Lifetime has given them the most solid basic foundation for learning in preparation for their elementary education. Hearing my children converse in English with proper diction, pronounciation and grammar is something only Teacher Marissa Flores Lluch can help them master. As a matter of fact, this was attested to by my four cousins, ages 20-26 years old now, who were under Teacher Marissa in their Prep Education years.

At this point, in behalf of the parents, I would like to thank all the TEACHERS of Lifetime: starting with our Director, T. Marissa... Teacher Karen, Teacher Ann, and all the teachers' Aides whom our children adore and love.

To us parents, may we always remember that CHILDREN are from heaven and according to the book of Dr. John Gray with the same title and I quote, ”Being a parent is difficult but as we all know, it is the most rewarding job one can have.”

May we give our children the gifts of greatness by using positive parenting skills. May our children grow up confident, cooperative and compassionate. May they be successful in both the outer world and their inner world. May their material dreams come true and may they always experience lasting love from their families and friends. May GOD help us all...

Once again to our dear GRADUATES: congratulations and be good always.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Young at 50!

2008-03-15T08:34:00.002+08:00

Making Sense of My Choices and Hopefully Healing

2008-02-06T17:06:00.015+08:00

At almost 50 and finding myself needing and, thank God!, belonging to face-to-face and online support groups, I am constantly confronted with the need to look at my life, to look inside myself when I hear or read the gamut of dysfunction in the world, finding parallels in their lives and mine. The good thing is that since I read these sharings in 12-step support groups, the desire for healing is always present and every so often, wisdom gained by members from working the program can also be heard and read.

In my life so far, I've only had two significant "romantic" relationships and both have failed. I cannot blame these two people for the mess I've made of those relationships. As is often quoted, "We are not victims, we are volunteers."

In 12-step groups, we are always reminded to keep the focus on ourselves. One of the slogans that is particularly relevant to this idea is, "Live and let live."

What does this mean to me?

It means that I have to know what I want out of life and aim for it, work for it. It has been counterproductive for me to get into relationships with people who were not supportive of my goals because I was held back from realizing my dreams, reaching my goals and, of course, I also kept my unfortunate partners from getting to where it was they wanted to go. With this in mind, if I should ever consider getting into another relationship, I should be VERY mindful of whether our goals are in sync. No more rushing into relationships, Marissa, just to fill up the void of what you sometimes despairingly feel to be an empty existence.

During the Christmas break, when work did not act as buffer for stinkin' thinkin', one of the things I realized in a moment of clarity was that I have these subconscious ideas of what my life "should" have. Especially unpalatable to realize about myself was: I needed to have someone of the opposite sex to "complete" the picture of my life. Somehow, my life felt like that preschool paper activity with the gaping hole and the caption "What's Missing in the Picture?"

And even if psychologists are to be believed and that my former partners and I chose each other out of our neediness, out of our dysfunction, I choose not to throw stones at them. I accept full responsibility for my part in those failures in my life. In those past relationships, once they were in place and the initial excitement has waned, I took them for granted, or minimized them, and yes, allowed myself to be dissatisfied with them. They became like a piece of furniture that I felt I needed to have in order to impress visitors. And that has been very unfair to them.

Looking deeper into why I took them for granted or allowed myself to get dissatisfied, a realization that did not really hit me for the longest time was: a major driving force in my life had been fear. And the most potent fear in me was the fear of rejection.

And how did this fear unravel my relationships?

Even in some of my friendships and with my family, at the slightest inkling that they had lost interest in me or when I felt like I had fallen in their estimation, I jumped ship. I bailed out. "I reject you before you can reject me."

This realization also made me notice a pattern in how I handled some past experiences. When something I wanted to do proved to be a little difficult or something I may not excel in, I abandoned the endeavor. Even here, the fear of rejection from people who may notice my "ineptitude" reared it's ugly head and kept me from activities or skills which, with some effort, I may eventually have enjoyed, if not mastered, had I given myself time enough to explore them.

And the saddest thing of all to realize was: the one person who had rejected me the most was myself. Yet, with this realization came relief. As some people share about Step 1*, "I may be powerless over other people, but I have power over myself." With this in mind, I consciously chose to accept and love myself unconditionally.

Since I had difficulty accepting and loving myself, I trusted God to do it for me, to show me how. I also lifted up to my Higher Power the ability to love others better so that I can keep to a minimum innocent people from being blindsided and reeling with bewilderment at what can seem to them unprovoked rejection.

With God's love and gentle guidance, I started discarding the tattered pictures that I had held on to for far too long; pictures with its gaping holes patched up by my own limited (and messed-up at that!) resources. I freed up myself to accept a whole new vision of my life, a bright and beautiful vision provided by my loving Higher Power. A vision that fulfilled my need to actualize the gifts He has endowed me with as evidenced by the path I have been traversing for more than 20 years now - educating young minds by helping them develop skills that are the necessary foundation for reaching their full potential.

I have witnessed my Higher Power's provision and generosity meeting my temporal needs abundantly: a healing family, deeper friendships, substantial resources and a fulfilling career. I firmly believe God will continue showering His awesome bounty in the most surprising and unexpected ways.

Yet, I have to remember that I live one day at a time. Therefore, just for today, I will work on letting go and letting God, trusting that what has transpired so far is part of His Divine Plan for me and those I've touched; yes, including my exes. And I pray that I will have the equanimity - I am going to be 50, after all, and my time on this earth is numbered - to serenely experience the unfolding of the full actualization of what my Higher Power has conceived for me since the beginning of time.

*Step 1 of Co-Dependents Anonymous: We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.

For more information on codependence, this site may be a good starting point: http://www.codependents.org/

My 10th Birthday

2007-10-06T11:28:00.001+08:00

A Special Time with My Grandson

2007-01-17T14:34:00.005+08:00

Last November 2006, my grandson and I went to Hong Kong.

Ever since the trip was finalized, I have to admit I was apprehensive about going on a 6-day trip with my grandson with no help around. His mother - my eldest daughter, Karen - and my 2 other children opted not to go to Hong Kong in the meantime. So, it was just him and me. Visions of his feeling or actually being sick, whining, being recalcitrant, and wanting to GO HOME NOW!...I WANT MY MOM!...NOW!...plagued me. Nevertheless, he was oblivious of any such possibilities. After all, we were going to Hong Kong primarily to sample Disneyland, his dream ever since he became a Disney Channel viewer.

My grandson is lucky to have a grandmother who is in recovery. For days and days, I recited like a mantra that I was going to be open to adventure...that I was going to only focus on the positives...that I was going to be mindful of his physical needs and emotional state...that this trip was a vacation, not an endurance test.

Indeed, it was a marvelous time for both of us.

Among the many things I discovered about my grandson was his fascination with safes. (His favorite toys are gadgets!) The hotels where we stayed in Manila and Hong Kong all had safes and he enjoyed encoding them with his special numbers and putting his stuff in them. The closet at the Ramada Hotel in Kowloon was especially exciting for him because it was big enough to be a "hide-out." He settled in with pillows and blankets and, in no time, fell asleep in there. He must have been very exhausted from the trip but I heard no complaints from him.

Because Mitch and I were going to be a twosome only, days before we departed, I taught him how to take still shots and videos with our digicam. He was a trouper. As instructed, before clicking, he'd remind me, "Lola, your tummy!" He took many great shots of me. (The picture on the right is a sample of his handiwork.) And, as you may also have guessed, he is the one holding the digicam in the very wobbly portion of the video above.

On the morning of the second day of our trip, we availed of the city tour that the package included. The tour guide informed us that the boat trip is highly encouraged by the government because it augmented the livelihood of the boat people of Hong Kong. The Chinese hat that you see Mitch wearing when we're in the cable car was bought from the lady who steered the boat we rode.

Mitch and I left the tour group at the halfway point of Victoria Peak and went to Ocean Park on our own in the afternoon. The last section of the above video is Mitch singing an impromptu song about being in a cable car.

God gives us gifts in unexpected packages and going to Hong Kong with my grandson is one of mine.

Recommendations:

1. Bring extra battery pack/s in order to have a more complete documentation of your trip. Ocean Park was in the afternoon following a full morning and by the time we got there, the battery was gasping from being squeezed of its last bit of energy. I brought an extra digicam but left it at the hotel thinking that we wouldn't need it until the next day.

2. Bring extra memory cards. Our last 2 days were in Hong Kong Disneyland and we had to delete many of the shots from the previous days to accommodate new shots. Deleting shots on the run can lead to regrets. (Recommended mantra: we can always go back...we can always go back... Hong Kong will not disappear...we can always go back...)

After 6 days of going all over the place, the way back home was spent recharging in dreamland in the plane, at the hotel in Manila, in a ship from Cebu, and at long last, in his own bed.

A Teacher's Joy

2006-12-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

With the permission of Ean's mother, Nancy, I have posted her email to me. This letter illustrates why teaching can be so gratifying. Below is a picture of Ean and myself the day they left our city to leave for Manila en route to New York where Nancy now works as a special education teacher.

Nancy wrote:

Hi, Teacher Marissa,

Kumusta?* Belated Merry Christmas and we wish you a prosperous New Year!!! Ean is doing great in school. She is in first grade in a Public School here. She received an award last Dec 19 as the Best Student of the Month for the whole first graders. We are so proud! We commend you for helping us with the foundations on how she is now. We strongly believe that she got the exposure, especially in reading, from your school. Thank you so much.

She is sending her love and she still remembers Lifetime. She is thinking how her friends are doing now, please send her love to all her classmates.

Jasmine and John visited us here twice already (they live in Nassau County, outside New York City) and Micah is in our neighborhood lang but wala pa sila kita.**

I guess this is all. Please extend our regards to all Lifetime Study Center families. I attached some pictures and again, we wish you a Happy New 2007!!!

Sincerely,
Nancy

Note: Ean, Jasmine and Micah were classmates in our school before they left for the States. John, Jasmine's older brother, was also my student in his preschool years. Being given the opportunity of helping in their and all of our other students' cognitive, social and emotional growth has been a privilege. To the parents of our students, thank you for your confidence and support of Lifetime Study Center. Happy New Year!

Jasmine (the little girl at the center) and John (far right)

*this is a Filipino salutation that translates to "How are you?" You may notice that it sounds very much like "¿Como esta?" Recall that the Philippines had been under Spanish rule for more than 300 years before gaining its independence at the turn of the century

**the last phrase of this sentence translates roughly to "but they haven't seen each other (here) yet."

The Underestimated Wonders of a Boring Life

2006-12-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste..."*

I hate admitting it but I used to be a very noisy person. In fact, I think I may still have the report card from grade school which has a comment from a teacher that said, "She's very talkative." And, to be completely honest, I probably still am now some of the time.

In my support group, character defects that I immediately identified were my inability to really listen and also my discomfort when there was a lull in the conversation. I had this compulsion to fill in the silence as fast as I can. For a long time, I didn't even know I had this compulsion because I'd jump right in to fill up the gap. It was only when I started attending my support group meetings wherein one of the rules is to let a person keep the floor when it was her turn to speak - to not interrupt or put words into her mouth when she stalls and seems to be at a loss for words - that I realized I had this compulsion because I had to literally bite my tongue or put my hand over my mouth just to keep silent.

After ten years, more or less, of practicing really listening and being quiet, I think I may have made some progress. I am more comfortable now having someone do the talking. I don't have to be the center of attention all the time. My opinions needn't even be heard. I am more comfortable now keeping my own counsel and letting people keep theirs. As a consequence, I am more at peace with myself and, I'd like to think, with people around me. And, because I am seldom at odds with people I come in contact with, my life has less drama.

"Letting go and letting God" also lessens drama in my life. When I experience difficulties - in relationships, finances, work, health, and everything that being alive in this world entails - I may get stressed out for a few minutes (or hours) but almost as soon as I remember that I have a Higher Power, I am able to relax and surrender and become secure in the knowledge that He is in charge and that He has my best interests in mind. Because of this, I am less likely to aggravate whatever the problem may be because my default response is no longer self-will. I was a major control freak and it was very exhausting. Despite my best efforts, I could never be omniscient, omnipresent nor omnipotent...it took a long time for me to truly accept that only God can be all those.

Wanting a peaceful life and having one are two entirely different things. Wanting a peaceful life means that, at present, it is chaotic enough that peace is even consciously thought of. On the other hand, living peacefully can oftentimes feel like boredom to the point where drama is pursued, whether consciously or subconsciously.

I now know that part of my recovery process is being comfortable with the monotony of a peaceful life. Only recently have I truly appreciated the wonders of a boring life.

"Gee, the house is really quiet. Everybody is off somewhere. I have nothing to do. Why do I feel empty? Is this emptiness or is this peace? Is emptiness peace? Should I be bothered with this feeling of emptiness or should I embrace it? Do I really prefer to be somewhere else? Do I really prefer to have company right now? I have nothing to do??? Of course not! There are many things I can do!" These thoughts used to plague me. Now, these situations and questions are no longer viewed as plagues but as opportunities to get to know myself better.

Having no plans or crises to attend to, I can enjoy the unfolding of each day and, because of this, I can explore whatever takes my fancy for that day or whatever pleasant surprises the day holds for me. A case in point: I had a childhood friend from out of town who came to visit me on a Saturday. I was able to enjoy her company unfettered by an already planned weekend or occupied by emotional storms of my own making.

Having been dysfunctional for a long time and now trying to recover, I realize that my calling this period boring or monotonous is actually a mislabelling of this transition into a fuller life. Having lived with drama in the form of insecurity, stress and chaos, I have equated these states with being fully alive and their absence a flat, barren existence. I am convinced that if I can only weather this misunderstood, underrated calm, I will reach that state where contentment becomes a transcendent experience and peace is savored as pure life.

*the first line of "Desiderata." A full text of this poem can be found at http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html

Authentic Lives

2006-08-03T20:58:00.000+08:00

I've been mulling over writing this article on being adopted. As a teacher, I come across children whose reality includes being adopted. Life being already difficult as it is, having to contend with the ambivalent feelings that being adopted can arouse can let it seem doubly so. And, I have found, whether we know we are adopted or not, that fact impacts our lives in myriad ways.

I know that my own experience of being an adopted child and knowing from the very start that I was made me feel very unique. That sense of uniqueness was sometimes viewed with pleasure but, especially when I was younger, it was oftentimes wished away.

In retrospect, I am grateful that I've always known I was adopted. My childhood may have been rough, but I now realize, whose isn't? One of the major advantages of not having my status kept from me was that I experienced my childhood in its full reality. I could quite comprehend the confusion of adopted children who only later learn that they are not the natural children of the people who they took for granted were their parents. I can understand the sense of betrayal. The sense that all along, they've been living a lie.

It has taken me a long time to realize that everything that happens to us is real at the very moment that they happen. Especially our feelings. Just because we may be oblivious of all the facts surrounding our circumstances doesn't nullify what we or other people feel from moment to moment. And this is the very trap that children who are told about their adoption only when they are grown fall into. The many hours, minutes, seconds when their adoptive parents truly loved them, cared for them, only wanted what was best for them, are rendered counterfeit the moment they learn about the truth of their birth.

One of the things that I have fully appreciated only recently is that people cannot be summed up and pigeonholing people does not only do them a disservice but is a disservice to the one labelling also. Each and everyone of us have depths which even we ourselves cannot fully plumb. The people who took us in, the parents who either abandoned us carelessly or with much anguish, they are very complex people, like all of humanity. One of the most loving thing I can do for them is to acknowledge that they do have breadth and depth.

My adoptive mother used to say that the main reason why she and my adoptive father decided to raise a child (preferably a niece or nephew) was that they wanted to have someone look after them when they grew old. That may have been so but the fact still remains that from when I was about two years old, they were there to see me through sickness and health, tears and laughter. They took in the responsibility of feeding, clothing, sheltering and making sure I got an education. I know I was not an easy child to raise. I know that I have brought them pain. And yet, they didn't abandon me. So, I'd like to think that I have also made their lives more meaningful. Perhaps, even fulfilling. But then again, am I doing them justice? The things I have written in this paragraph is but a very small inkling of everything that transpired in our lives together before they died.

My natural mother is still alive and I know that being in her 70's now, she has a richness in her life from having lived so long. Bearing in mind the truth about people being very complex, I know that giving me up may or may not have been easy for her. She says that she gave me up so that I would have a better future. I have and for that, I am very grateful. And yet, I know that there must have been times when she wished that things would have played out differently.

I am sometimes asked when it is best to let a child know that he/she is adopted. I firmly believe in the saying, "The truth shall set you free." The word "adopted" or "adoption" is not a dirty word. Being adopted does not make one a second class citizen. Some people may make one feel "less than" and sometimes, it is we ourselves who consider ourselves beneath other people (just because we are "merely" adopted.) But nobody is less than anyone else. In the eyes of God, we are all equal. This truth, though, can sometimes be very difficult to truly accept and internalize and be a guiding principle. That is why the sooner issues of unworthiness can be resolved the better. The cleaner the slate, the easier it is to work out the solution. And what cleaner slate is there than the innocence of a child?

God, in His infinite wisdom, has put all of us where His Divine Plan would best unfold. For that, I know that my having been adopted was God-ordained. And, all things considered, my life is quite good. I am grateful. I am at peace.

All Grown Up

2006-04-07T16:41:00.001+08:00

When I look at my children, ages 30, 25, and 17, I marvel that I have passed the gauntlet of smelly beds and sleepless nights when they were still infants, tantrums and things strewn all over when they were toddlers, and growing up with them from grade school through high school, all the way to adulthood. I have often been driven to say that I'd like to retire from parenthood.

I have been a parent of a growing child for close to 15 years. One of the unforeseen consequences of having children spaced out several years, like mine, is that there is always an infant or toddler after every few years. So, just when the elder child is grown up enough to have been toilet trained and things around the house can be arranged and stay arranged, another child comes along and it's back to square one.

As an only child, I swore not to have an only child knowing how lonely it can be. Thinking that it would be better to have children spaced out over several years so that I can take care of each one more fully, I did not have another child immediately.

I didn't realize that there was such a thing as dethronement. That is what an eldest child feels when, after being the center of attention, the little princess, so to speak, another one comes along and seems to wrest that position away.

Being unaware of such a phenomenon, I had my son five years after I had my eldest daughter. I remember that I would often tell her when she clamored for my attention that she was now old enough to do things for herself, that the baby needed me more than she did. She must have been very confused and must have felt very helpless over my insensitivity. When I look back to that time, I am aghast at how I have overlooked how young she still was and how she still needed to be taken care of and feel loved. Thus, my goal of having more than one child so that the eldest wouldn't feel too lonely was defeated by inadvertently making my eldest child feel that having a sibling was the pits.

One other thing I vowed early on was that I'll never have only two children. I have seen relatives and friends who had only one other sibling and I saw how the rivalry can be very intense and prolonged for lack of a mediator. And so, I had my third child. At this point, my eldest daughter was a teenager and my son was in grade school. A brother and sister cannot be confidantes especially when one is still in grade school and the other in high school. That difference can seem like an unbridgable chasm. And how can an infant or even toddler be a confidante or, much less, a mediator? My vision of having children who were a support for each other lay in tatters.

And yet, now, they are starting to be friends, laughing, living and loving each other. I see them consulting one or the other and sometimes planning activities as a cohesive unit. I see them appreciating and respecting the other for his/her place in their lives, each a part of one family, bound by blood and a common history. God is good. Despite all my mistakes, He has made a wonderful tapestry of all that has gone before.

And another tapestry is being made. My eldest daughter now has a son and I know that God is also working His miracles in their lives.

Before We Part

2006-03-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

These are the children that I have spent, at the most, 2 whole schoolyears and, at the least, this last year that they have been spending at the preschool where I teach. They'll be moving on to a bigger world, to their respective grade schools, in the coming schoolyear after they graduate from Kindergarten this mid-March.

Having been found by this vocation, I am very grateful. I wouldn't have taken the initiative to volunteer my services for this awesome job. But, God knows what's best for me, and what I can be best at, better than I do. Without these children and their parents, life wouldn't have been as interesting and fulfilling as they have been for the past 20 plus years.

I love you all, my wonderful children. Thank you for your presence in my life.

Very special thanks to my indefatigable assistant, Teacher Luz. May we grow old together in this wonderful work. You're the best !

Gifts

2006-02-26T10:43:00.000+08:00

(Left) With my daughters in 1997, who, along with their brother, are God's precious gifts to me.

I owe my eldest daughter a lot of amends. I had her when I was seventeen and she bore the brunt of her father's and my dysfunctional way of relating to each other and those around us. I am glad that she is finding herself through her own recovery process.

My youngest daughter is blessed to have come at a time when my ex started attending an anonymous program. In her early childhood, she was able to enjoy his early sobriety and my early recovery in my own support group. Now that she is in her teens, she is enjoying the peace and quiet that comes when two people with irreconcilable differences are no longer at each other's throat.

I have a middle child, my only son. As a woman, I suppose I do not really appreciate what my son had been through but he, too, must have had a rough time growing up. I am, therefore, very thankful that his Higher Power has been taking care of him because he seems to live his life now quite effectively. Despite having dyslexia, he graduated from college and is now doing well earning a living.

Kahlil Gibran said that our children are not our possessions. How true. Nevertheless, I am very thankful that God has given them to me to grow with and to love.

A Piece of Paradise

2006-02-26T10:27:00.000+08:00

The sky behind that fountain and the cathedral alternately gets gently awashed in magnificent shades of magenta, orange and blue, and all the colors in between at sunsets. God's handiwork is a marvel to behold.

"With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world." - Desiderata

Inner Child

2006-02-17T07:32:00.000+08:00

I was checking out my grocery in the supermarket when I came across a former hot button.

One of the gifts of recovery for me is coming face to face with how my thinking has shifted. And since I have a very active (and loud) inner voice, my outward behavior cannot help but be influenced.

I was behind a cart with a child of about 2 or 3 years old at the check-out counter a few days ago. She was not happy to see me, to say the least. She tried her best to antagonize me - scowling, sticking her tongue out, kicking my cart. I looked at her and thought, if I were not in recovery, I'd probably be glaring at her now, shooting daggers with all my "adult" fury. I'd probably be thinking, "What a brat! I'm sure you're going to have a miserable life and it would serve you right! And what kind of parents do you have, you rotten child???" And while she was kicking my cart, I'd probably ram it into her just to have the satisfaction of hearing her howl and feel triumphant at having vanquished a mortal enemy.

Instead, for her scowls, I gave her my most winning smiles (which did no good...she was determined to stay combative) and as suggested by Og Mandino in "The Greatest Salesman in the World", I looked at her with love in my eyes and said silently, "I love you." When she started kicking my cart, I moved it just a little out of her reach so my groceries wouldn't get jostled. Okay, it was just far enough to frustrate her (she tried her utmost to reach it)... sad to say, I am not absolutely recovered because I got a little satisfaction at her puny attempts to cause havoc.

I had a teacher once who I met after so many years from being her student in grade school and she told me that she remembers me as being a belligerent child. Looking back at my childhood after having done some inner child work in the past few years, I have come to realize that I must have reacted to my feelings of abandonment and insecurity with anger at the world...not unlike that little girl at the check-out counter. We all go through bad things in our lives, although some have it worse than others, and we all react in different ways. Some fight back, some withdraw, some react somatically, a few take it in stride. This child, like me, was a fighter.

When I was younger, I took pride in being a warrior. I took pride in being in control. Before you reject me, I will reject you first. I didn't realize that I was afraid of being abandoned and being helpless again like I must have felt when I was given away by my birth mother at around age 2. I can't remember that time in my life but the wounds must have festered for many years without my realizing it. I pushed love away because it hurt too much.

Inner child work has taught me how to comfort that child. It has made me a friend to myself. It has given me to myself so I can love me and not be afraid of losing that love. Alas, I can sometimes be the meanest to myself and so, I thank God for always being there loving me when I couldn't love myself.

My journey toward healing is ongoing and it makes me experience the world and other people in exciting new ways. I know your journey is just as exciting and I hope to bump into you one of these days.

A picture of me, circa 1965

Thank you!

2005-11-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

Communication, it is said, is when somebody sends a message and another receives it.

I would like to thank Keith, Chona, and Em-em for posting their comments on this blogsite. I've also received feedback from some friends through email and I appreciate their taking the time to read my thoughts.

Know that this blogsite can be a venue for you, too, to air your realities on the issues I have addressed. As you can see from the comments that have already been given, readers can be writers, too. This blog will be all the more interesting if more voices are heard.

Living in the Moment

2005-11-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

Being a self-diagnosed person with attention deficit disorder, I find that this dysfunction is at the root of many of my character defects and social incompetence.

Thoughtlessness
Without meaning to, I've given a very important person in my life the impression that he was not worthy of my time and consideration. I have the unfortunate habit of thinking about many things at the same time that in the middle of his telling me something, I would suddenly call out to someone else to do this or to take care of that. Actually, it's not just with him. I do it with everyone. I am glad that he was self-aware enough and brave (?) enough to tell me that it hurt him when I do it. My children have often said to me, "Mommy, please let me finish...," when I would cut them off in the middle of their telling me something. And yet, it's only now that I realize how very pronounced my thoughtlessness is.

I now accept that multitasking in this manner is not an asset. I've been carried away by tasks that were not essential to my life goals. It has allowed me to run away from myself, to what gave depth and meaning to my life. It has kept me from really listening to people and thus learning more of their lives which could have enriched my own. It has driven a wedge between me and the people I love most passionately.

Procrastination
Tomorrow is the start of a working day. I'm supposed to be making the lesson plans for the week for me and my co-teachers to guide us. And what am I doing??? Writing this blog!!!

I should go...

I have to stay on track...

I've been teaching for 21 years now despite my putting things off to the last minute. Somehow, I've come through. But, at what price? Frayed nerves. Hyperacidity. Migraines. Fear. Insecurity. I'd like to think I've been a reliable and competent teacher but I know deep in my heart that there have been times when I've inconvenienced those I work and live with and that I have shortchanged my students by being too stressed out many a time.

Disorganization
I used to think that one of the reasons that things were in such a mess was because we didn't have enough shelves and drawers. One of my priorities, therefore, when I could afford it was to have shelves and drawers constructed. Yet, despite having lots of shelves and drawers now, there are still things lying around.

Some books on living clutter free suggest that we immediately put things away after we've used them. Yet, being attentionally challenged, I start on a project, I have my materials out, I get into the flow... and then, something else catches my attention and I go off to take care of it. Before I know it, I'm into the flow of an entirely different activity. Sometimes, it'll be a few days before I realize that I haven't completely finished off the other project I was on before I got diverted. Multiply this into 5 or more diversions and you get the picture of surfaces holding the dregs of projects awaiting completion.

My disorganization can be perceived in the way I speak, too. Of course, if you ask me, there's a rhyme and rhythm to the way I think and speak. Yet, trying to hear the way I speak through the ears of others, I've been made painfully aware that I can start to say something, think of something else, stop midway, start off another thought, backtrack, finish a thought started many elliptical sentences ago ... even I get my own head spinning.

Living in the moment ... a worthwhile endeavor I've embarked on for many years now and I believe I'm moving along satisfactorily. I know I cannot change myself overnight. In fact, I've been doing inner work for many years now and I can see positive changes in myself but I know that a lot still needs to be done. I have to remind myself that "progress, not perfection" is all that we can really attain.

Trust ... without trust that my Higher Power is in charge of my life, the changes have undergone and continue to undergo wouldn't be possible. I'm now less driven. I've learned to slow down and focus. I now know that in God's own way, in His own perfect timing, everything good will come to pass and all I need do is appreciate people one person at a time, get the most from experiences one activity at a time, be present in my own life and live each moment to the fullest.

Sweet Sixteen

2005-11-28T09:48:00.000+08:00

Oct. 17, 2004
I look at this adorable little girl and I am amazed at how fast time has flown. Today, she celebrates her 16th birthday!

Still Sweet at Seventeen

2005-11-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

Nov. 28, 2005
Last Saturday, this daughter of mine was in a modelling competition. I watched as she walked like she was doing her first steps 17 years ago. Her innocence was still quite palpable and I felt the bittersweet realization that she was on the threshold of adulthood.

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

2005-10-30T12:58:00.001+08:00

Above: Telling a Clifford Halloween story to my class wearing a visible mask.
The article below would unmask me to some extent.

Sigh...

How extremely powerful dysfunction can be. How cunningly it undermines our lives. We are left baffled at why we act, think and feel the way we do.

I opened this site in October, 2004. When my boyfriend told me about his blogsite, I was in the throes of a major letdown. Creating this site offered a venue to let off steam. My intense emotional state at that time gave me the adrenaline to pour forth words.

But why can't I write consistently when things seem to be going well? Why do I balk at putting down words?

Belonging to a 12 step program is shedding some light into why and how I sabotage myself.

Like many codependents, I have an extreme need to be perfect, to be above reproach. Putting down words, I feared (or should it be in the present tense?) that my imperfections would be laid bare for all to see. Having it in black and white will no longer give me the sense of security I felt in having done something mean but unacknowledged or thinking unjust thoughts that quickly vanish anyway. I can forget feeling hurt, resentful, angry, and all other shades of "undesirable" emotions. And no one can criticize me for feeling them.

Alas, I belong to a program that encourages me to be searching, fearless and thorough in finding out everything that makes me me and laying it bare to God and another human being.

Dare I disclose all of the ugly, chaotic feelings and thoughts that crowd my mind? Dare I disclose how mean-spirited I can be in the course of a day? Impression management was a skill learned from a very early age and one that seems to be working quite well.

Seems...what a loaded word. Is it really working?

If it were working, why do I get a nagging sense of disharmony? Dis-ease?

This program promises me that if I were to empty myself of my hurts, resentments, and anger through a thorough and fearless moral inventory and make amends to ALL persons I had harmed, I'd be transported to a way of living that is happy, joyous and free. Alas, because of the cunning, baffling, powerful quality of my particular dysfunction, having a life that is happy, joyous and free seems to be just out of my grasp.

Is it because I feel like I haven't completely surrendered to the God of my understanding such that I don't really have a sense of security and confidence that whatever I embark upon, He will be at my side, loving me until I learn to love myself?

Supposedly, the God of my understanding is gentle, kind and loving yet wise and powerful; a God who can take whatever garbage I lay down before Him and love me nonetheless. Don't I believe deep in my heart that He is all those things and more?

Why do I feel like I haven't really surrendered to my God despite wanting desperately to do so? Have I really meant it when I asked Him to remove my shortcomings? Do I really mean it when I say, "Take over my life, Lord."? How can I mean it more?

Why can't I just believe as a child? Being an adult child of an alcoholic, is it because I never really had a childhood? When will I ever feel like I've vanquished this monster? When will I be free from its grip?

In the face of my own unbelief, I have to ask for the belief that the only thing I can do now to rescue myself from this maelstrom of despair is to let my Higher Power do all the fighting for me...even if it's a fight that rages within my soul...and let me emerge triumphant, expectant of wondrous things in store for me, one day at a time.

Nothing Quite Like Kinder

2005-06-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

This is a revision of an article I wrote in August 1991 for the newsletter of the first school I taught in.

Teaching Kindergarten is sweet and sour. Of all the grade levels, it is where you, as a teacher, sometimes get bitten, get your hair pulled, have blocks thrown in your face and where bedlam seems to be the general rule.

Yet, it is also the level where students love the teacher without reservation and regard what the teacher says as gospel truth. No wonder, then, that most preschool teachers wouldn't exchange places with upper-grade teachers even if it means a step up the career ladder.

I had misgivings about teaching preschoolers but I felt that if my employer had enough faith in me to entrust a class in my care, then I must be capable of handling the job. What gave me added confidence was the fact that I was able to surreptitiously observe my eldest daughter's teacher through the classroom window for a whole year when my daughter, who is now in fourth year high school,* was still in Nursery.

The early years of teaching are always the most instructive, exhausting and exhilarating. Every lesson is painstakingly prepared, and every incident is agonized over. The memories these early years reward you with, however, are plentiful.

I can remember students who couldn't keep still, keep quiet or make their work neat. I remember students who were very precocious, they'd make your jaw drop. In particular, I remember this child who commented when I read them Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree" : But, Teacher, branches grow back!!! I remember having students who were so well-behaved that I only have vague memories of them. I can remember students who learned the darnedest things.

EXAMPLES:

A. We teach pre-reading by letting the children associate the written letter with its sound. One of the most effective ways of doing this is by associating a letter with an object that begins with its sound. Thus, "a" would be associated with apple, "i" with ink, "u" with umbrella. Imagine my puzzlement when during an oral evaluation, a student said the "p" sound when confronted with the letter "u." When asked again, I saw him motioning as if he were holding an umbrella. Leaning closer, I heard him mutter, "P-p-payong."**

B. Another mnemonic I use to fix a sound is by using songs. For example, to let them remember the "b" sound, I use "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" and for "j," I use "Jack and Jill" Some years back, the song "Ocean Deep" dominated the airwaves, so I used that song to fix the long "o" sound. After several weeks of drills using that song, I gave a test that had an item with a drawing of an ocean. One boy wrote the letter "w" in the box provided for the initial sound. I thought that he wrote "w" because he believed the picture indicated water or waves, but we never presume anything, so I asked him what the picture was. Well, what do you know! He started to sing, "We are the world, we are the children..."

C. I always have an oral evaluation to accompany written tests to double-check whether the children really know how to isolate and write the initial sounds of the given illustrations. One child wrote "f" under the picture of a fan. When I asked her what the picture was, she said simply, "Fayfay."*** How do you score such an answer? She wasn't guessing, she knew the sound of the letter "f!"

D. The children are taught to always ask permission to go out, whether it is to drink water, urinate or whatever. Variations of the request to go out are:
"Teacher, I am go out."
"Teacher, I am urinate."
"Pitcher, may I go out?"
"Teacher, please go out."

Here are some priceless tendencies of preschoolers that I've had to contend with through the years:

1. Lunging collectively when a piece of chalk or the eraser falls to the floor and offering it to the teacher with great pride. I had to discourage this because it sometimes resulted in scraped knees, bruised foreheads, and outraged egos when another child beats them to the fallen object.

2. Shouting and prolonging an ear-splitting "YES" or "NO" after every question I ask.

3. Imitating everything the teacher does. This is actually good because the children become adept at memorizing action songs. My only problem is that you can't scratch your very itchy nose in the middle of a song because that is exactly what they will also do!

4. Running towards me, extending their right hands for a handshake. And not just in school, either, but anywhere we happen to meet. Whether it be at the mall, the market, in church or in the middle of the street, which leads me to the conclusion that I have a very good chance of winning the presidential election in the year 2013.

I am still making memories now. Only this time, they are more sweet than sour. I have settled down and am able to take the tears, tantrums, and triumphs in stride. I am now able to really savor each child's uniqueness and eccentricity, as well as the varied rewards of teaching and life in general.

* at the time of this posting, she is already 29!
** payong - Filipino word for umbrella
*** paypay is the correct Filipino word for fan...not fayfay.

Notes:

Go to http://www.vigyanprasar.com/vipnet/oct1999/OCTOBER_Classic_Poem_Reprint.htm to see the text of The Giving Tree

For those in recovery programs, you might find this site interesting (and amusing) - http://www.pantstalk.com/1999/pt060199.html - it talks about The Codependent Tree.

Gary and Rose

2004-10-25T22:24:00.001+08:00

This article deals with a subject that’s both fascinating and fraught with all kinds of misconceptions and illusions and above all, still mostly forbidden: sex.

This is a couple’s experience, a couple’s own reality. So, it may or may not be the case with you but since no one is so unique as to not represent some of the people out there, here it is. It is my hope that this story might shed some light into aspects of your relationships. Men might gain some insight into why their partners respond the way they do and hopefully, do something positive to change the dynamics of their interactions. Women might gain some comfort, strength and empowerment in knowing that they are not alone in what they are going through and in wanting something better for themselves.

To protect the identity of the persons involved, names have been changed.

This is the story of Gary and Rose. Gary is an addict-alcoholic. Rose grew up amidst alcoholism. No wonder, then, that they were attracted to each other from the very start. Psychologists say we are like radars in selecting our life partners…we always zero in on the one who will fit our life scripts handed to us since childhood; the one who might let us finish unresolved issues; the one who can let us play out our repetition compulsion.

Gary, it seems, was a misogynist. He represented the other half of the title of a book by Dr. Susan Forward, “Men Who Hate Women,” and Rose, it would seem, represented the other half, “And the Women Who Love Them.”*

Gary was the type of man who would talk disparagingly about women. Even though such comments were very seldom directed at Rose, she, nevertheless, felt slighted. Thus, during the sex act, she cannot but help feel cheap and degraded because at the back of her mind would always be the demeaning comments that her husband was mouthing off about women and sex to his friends within her earshot. It is very difficult for a woman to maintain an illusion of “love” and “making love” when she is having sex with a person she knows views women as no better than commodities.

Also, as a couple, sex played a pivotal role in the unfolding of their lives; many parts of which were regrettable. Rose got pregnant in her middle teens. Despite now realizing that she was partly responsible for the woes she went through; for a long time, Rose held Gary responsible for the difficulties she experienced as an unwed, teenage mother. And in an indirect, convoluted, though undeniable way, she also blamed sex for the troubles she felt descended upon her because of her wanton behavior.

As a codependent, Rose beat herself up mercilessly for not being above reproach, for being so fallible. And since she cannot completely admit that she was not perfect…she had to look for a scapegoat. And the nearest and easiest target was Gary. And, of course, the most potent weapon for inflicting pain upon him (and subconsciously, upon herself) was the withholding of the experience of giving and receiving pleasure that a man and woman were meant to share.

The damage done by their history together was more than Gary and Rose could handle. They are now living separate lives, each hoping for a better relationship. Are they going to find fulfillment and happiness?

For Rose, she hopes that the time will come when she can fully give in to the pleasure that sex can bring a person. The kind of sex that will leave a sweet residue of tenderness for the person she just made love with. For then, it will truly be making love (without the quotation marks!) Having sex with Gary always left a bad taste in her mouth. Instead of cuddling after having sex, they would each shut down. She cannot remember sharing with Gary what she has only read as that languid feeling of fulfillment … the aftermath of having come together with a person who means the world to her in all the ways that matter.

For Rose, recovery in this area would include the whole range of pleasures that is possible for a woman to experience with a man - commitment, respect, common interests and life goals, friendship and sex that is pure and uncomplicated (no baggage attached). Yet, Rose also believes that she is truly recovering only if she can experience life to the fullest, be at peace with herself and the world, embody contentment, joy and serenity, with or without a man.

*Forward, Susan, and Joan Torres. Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. New York: Bantam Books, 1987.

Experience, Strength, and Hope

2004-10-20T19:52:00.000+08:00

We are volunteers, not victims.

For those of us who have had or who are in relationships marked by unhappiness, it is hard to accept that we are volunteers and not victims in the sorry situation that we were or are in. For a long time, I ranted and railed about how unfair fate has been to me. How unfortunate I am to have snagged such a catch!!!

My Love Story: We were both in 4th year high school, I was 16 and he was 15. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have caught the eye of such a handsome, articulate, heavenly smelling boy (you can smell him a mile away! Having grown up with a father who was the epitome of simple living, a boy who used cologne was sophistication personified.) I was the envy of all who knew me.

I started reading British romance novels when I was 13 years old, so you can just imagine the ecstasy I felt in finally being the main character of a love story. But alas, just like a novel that is more or less 180 pages long, my love story ended very quickly too and immediately turned into a melodrama. In barely 3 months of going out together, I got pregnant; only vaguely aware of how it came about! I was absolutely mortified at being found out that I most definitely engaged in premarital sex.

At the nadir of my self-condemnation, I stayed in my room for more than a week, castigating myself mercilessly. Even then, I’m sure God was with me for He allowed me to pick myself up and go about making the most of the situation I was in. Thinking that I needed all the help I can get, I devoured books on parenting to make myself the best mother the world has ever known (please see "Stage Mother of the Century" in this blog.)

Real Life: Despite thinking that we were star-crossed lovers, my boyfriend and I were really just two misguided children playing at being grown-up. I wanted so much to believe that he was my prince charming and I was his guardian angel (what kind of screwed up love story is that???) This happened in the 1970's when drug use was being glamorized left and right, when flaunting authority was the rage. That probably explains to a certain degree why I did not pay much heed to his smoking, drinking and drugging. He had never hidden the fact that he started all those activities when he was in his early teens. Aside from thinking that it was just what boys went through, I probably had it at the back of my head that I would be a good influence on him since I didn’t smoke, drink, or use drugs.

Without my being really aware of it, time marched on and I was in a cycle of things being bearable, to bad, to worse and back again. This went on for more than 20 years. I was the typical codependent who took pride in keeping the family fed, sheltered and clothed. I took pride in being the responsible one, in being the saint. I must have been very difficult to live with. Imagine living with someone who exuded a holier-than-thou attitude.

One of a codependent's fears is one day having the police come and say that your spouse/child/parent has been arrested. The day I dreaded finally came, my prince charming got incarcerated. This should have been the last straw but I hang in there, giving it another "last chance." How many last chances do we give? So many, we lose track.

A few months later, an incident occurred which made me finally throw in the towel. We separated. It lasted for about 5 years: 3 years with hardly any communication and 2 years of slowly getting back together. On approximately the 5th year, he joined a support group for alcoholics and I was introduced to the 12 Steps. A friend and I then started a support group for relatives and friends of alcoholics and addicts. That was the beginning of a new life for me.

After seven years in recovery, though, we realized that we were better off without each other and separated again. This was three years ago. For a clean break, we are now going through severing our ties legally.

I'll be eternally grateful to my ex-husband. If not for his joining a 12 Step group, I wouldn't have found mine. It was in this group that I finally owned up to my part in our dysfunctional relationship. It was in this group that I finally grew up. If not for my recovery program, I wouldn't be able to face life with equanimity and dignity now. And I’d like to believe, I am also easier to live with today.

If I could, would I change anything in my past? I'm sure there are things that I would dearly love to change but would I be where I am now if I didn't go through what I went through? My strength comes from knowing that I have a Higher Power. And whether or not I understood what happened to me or even if I wasn't happy in many parts of it, it all happened for the best. My God is a good God all the time and I trust that my life has always been in His care. My strength comes from knowing that even though I can't handle life effectively on my own, God can and He will if I let Him.

My hope is that more people will become recipients of the wonderful gift of walking the 12 Steps that promises:
1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3. We will comprehend the word serenity.
4. We will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. The feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.*

*The Twelve Promises are from the AA Big Book

Stage Mother of the Century

2004-10-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

Drawn when I was a lot younger by a very talented (and perceptive) co-teacher. As you can see from her caption, I was the worst kind of mother there was: Stage Mother of the Century!!! You can just imagine the grief my eldest daughter went through, having to endure my control issues. To her: "I'm sorry and thank you for loving me, nevertheless." She's a gem. She has come into her own skin and she's trying to fulfill her destiny in her own terms, tempered with trust in God's unwavering guidance.

My two younger children haven't had to contend with a full-blown stage mother. As time goes by, my control issues are slowly being laid to rest (well, they awaken now and then, but they are not as horrific anymore.) I'd like to think that I've been a better mother to them all after I started my recovery with my support group.

My children are truly gifts from God to me, as is my recovery. Thank you, Lord.

What is a Support Group?

2004-10-15T20:13:00.000+08:00

I belong to a 12 Step group that meets twice a week. That is my support group. I've been a member of this group for more than nine years now.

What do 12 Step groups do? We discuss the 12 Steps which was formulated by the first few members of Alcoholics Anonymous, founded in the mid-1930's, to give them guidelines to a better way of living. The 12 Steps, with very slight modifications (depending on the group utilizing it), is widely used all over the world, across many concerns. The first group to use the 12 Steps aside from AA was Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics.

As the benefits of living the 12 Step program became apparent to the families and friends of those practicing them, new groups sprung up to test its wisdom in the areas of: narcotics, sex addiction, gambling, debting/spending, overeating, codependence, and many, many more. In fact, there are probably groups now whose members have no identifiable problems but who just want to enrich their lives by way of the 12 Steps.

The 12 Steps articulate the belief that "I can't. God can. Let Him." Additionally, there are Steps that suggest ways of clearing out the cobwebs of our spirits, making peace with our past and living the present to the fullest, savoring the very essence of just being.

A 12 Step support group meeting lasts for about an hour with readings on the 12 Steps (or some other related topic, such as the slogans*), followed by sharing from the members. Some groups invite speakers who share their experience, strength and hope.

A support group patterned after AA has but one, ultimate authority ... a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. For me, that is the beauty of a support group. Having control as one of my major issues, it's liberating not to have to scramble to be on top of the heap. Of course, when I try to dominate the group (which I've been known to do from time to time), I encounter the discomfort of being confronted with my glaring character defect and its very uncomfortable consequences. The experience then becomes an opportunity to grow. It is very important for people who have to deal with feelings of being "less than" and those who feel superior to be reminded that we are all equals. The very structure of 12 Step groups cannot but give us practice in internalizing this most fundamental principle of the human condition: equality.

A 12 Step support group is where we can pour our hearts out and know that we will be accepted and loved no matter what. And no matter how bad our situation is, there are others who have been there, too.

Giving advice or counseling is discouraged among members. We respect each other's ability to solve our own problems. If a person cannot know him/herself as fully as he/she would want to, how can we? And no matter how much in full possession of the facts of another person's life or circumstances we are, only God can really know that person's yesterday, today and tomorrow in its entirety. A support group can be the place where some of us, together with trust in a Higher Power, can begin taking tentative steps in making decisions for ourselves.

My support group has no dues or fees, as suggested by AA's 12 Traditions (I would presume all 12 Step groups also practice the 12 Traditions.**) A basket is passed around for donations to help cover group expenses such as the purchase of literature, rent and snack items.

Most, if not all, support groups practice anonymity and confidentiality. "Whom you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here." This is very important to many of us because we feel that our stories and what they say about us can be so filled with shame, guilt and remorse that we don't even want to admit them to ourselves, much less to other people.

How else do we practice anonymity? At meetings, we use first names only. We may or may not divulge our full names depending on whether we want others to be able to contact us by phone when they need our help. After the meeting, we are not to discuss who were there. Even among fellow members, if we happen to bump into each other at the mall, for example, it is suggested that we do not ask or answer the question, "Who attended the meeting last . . . ?" This ensures that we never betray anyone's confidentiality. There will always be the risk of going into details once there is an opening. Should we want to refer to an insight we got from someone at a meeting, it is best to say, "I learned a valuable lesson from one of us ... " Members are never specifically identified. When an individual chooses to declare him/herself a member of a 12 Step group, like I am doing now, I have to take pains to emphasize that I am not talking for the group but only for myself. And I must maintain my personal anonymity (as far as being a member of a particular group is concerned) at the level of press, radio, tv, or films.

Is a 12 Step support group for you?

Ask yourself these questions: Is there a need in my soul, whether vague or very fierce, that I want to fill? Have I really met myself face to face fully yet? What really makes me tick? Why do I do things that I bitterly regret later on? Why do I react to situations the way I do? Why am I always misunderstood by other people? Why can't I seem to understand other people? I have relationships that have fallen by the wayside from unresolved misunderstandings and hurt; how can I mend myself and make amends? I want to have a closer relationship with God; how do I go about letting Him enter my life and my soul completely? If you answered positively to any one of these questions, you might want to join a 12 Step support group for a few meetings to see whether it will help you find the answers to your questions. Hopefully, it'll also give you some resources to live a fuller life just as it have given me tools that I've come to depend on and treasure.

* Examples of slogans are: Let go and let God. Easy does it. One day at a time. First things first. Live and let live.

** For the complete text of the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions and more information on 12 Step groups, please check out the following links:
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
www.al-anon-alateen.org
www.codependents.org
www.slaafws.org
www.debtorsanonymous.org
www.overeatersanonymous.org
http://www.soberrecovery.com

Fort Santiago

2004-10-14T13:16:00.000+08:00

Fort Santiago, the afternoon of the visa interview. As you can see, I rebounded rather quickly from my visa rejection. Thanks to my recovery program and the help of a very good friend who took time out to show me around and take my pictures.

FORT SANTIAGO
Named in honor of Spain's patron saint James, Slayer of the Moors (Santiago Matamoros), Fort Santiago served as the military headquarters of the Spanish, British, American and Japanese regimes in the Philippines. Fort Santiago can be found inside Intramuros, meaning "within the walls." Consisting of high stone walls, bulwarks and moats, Intramuros was constructed in the 1600's as a defense against threats of invasion by Chinese, Japanese, Dutch and Portuguese pirates.

Fort Santiago is also where Philippine national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal, spent his last night on earth. Brass shoeprints trace the path of Rizal when he walked to his execution site at Bagumbayan (now Rizal Park) on December 30, 1896.

Let's Count and Share Our Blessings

2004-10-14T01:26:00.001+08:00

I'd like to share with you an article I wrote a long, long time ago (May 1993) which I feel still speaks for me.

Many of us have a tendency to acquire too many things. Some we need to make life simple and more enjoyable - washing machine, refrigerator, television set, tables, bed, chairs, clothes, and food. The others we keep we're sure that sooner or later, we would need for something. But do we ever?

Many of us can't let go of some things that are of no use to us anymore because of memories attached to them. How can I throw this moldy basket away? This contained the very first flower I ever received from my boyfriend. Oh, I can't possibly give this dress away. This was the favorite dress of my child when she was two. This three-legged, battered chair was my parents' - it is a tangible reminder of my childhood. And the list goes on and on.

Many of us let life and time slip by without realizing, or realizing too late, that our lives have become cluttered with things.

And finally, many of us have just been mindlessly or mindfully (?) acquisitive.

Things are a blessing but they can be a curse, too. There is truth in the saying that the more things we own, the more we are owned. Why? Because the more we own, the more difficult it is for us to just up and go. How many families cannot go on a picnic, movie or party together because someone has to be left at home to "watch the house and things?" Also, the more things we have, the more we become suspicious of other people. We are always on guard lest they steal what we've painstakingly accumulated.

Things can also warp our sense of values. When someone accidentally loses or destroys something that belongs to us, we respond by getting angry, verbally or physically, toward the person we believe responsible, forgetting that things are not as important as people.

An overabundance of material things can also lead to general undefined disorientation. When our surroundings are cluttered with things, our minds get mired in vague thoughts. Fresh insights have a hard time getting through because there is no room for them anymore. Quick decisions cannot be made because unnecessary details crowd our minds.

Why don't we opt for simplicity? For less? For generosity?

SIMPLICITY. Wouldn't our lives be more joyful if we could lead more simple lives? We would not feel compelled to join the rat race just to keep up with the the Juan de la Cruzes (or the Joneses, if you are in the US.) Our priorities would shift from acquiring things to acquiring friends. We would appreciate the basic goodness in each other more. We would have more time to appreciate this beautiful world that God created for us.

LESS. When they say less is more, I think what they mean is: to have less, to want less, is to be satisfied and content.

GENEROSITY. Actually, this is the crux of this article. Many of us are blessed with talents that earn us a living; many are born into materially fortunate families. But even more are less fortunate than we are. Thus, when someone knocks on our door to beg for money and for food, let's not be quick to condemn. Many might be professional beggars but there will be others who are at the end of their ropes that, as a last resort and with much shame and degradation, they resort to begging. Yet, how do we know for sure who we are confronted with? I believe it is better to err helping in good faith than to shut out a desperate human being.

I used to be wary of helping strangers knocking on our door (in fact, I still am, some of the time) because I was taught at home and in school not to encourage mendicants. "Give a man some fish and he'll eat for a day; teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime" was a familiar refrain. This is fine if you have time to teach, but what if you don't?

Some good friends of mine showed me how to enrich my life by sharing:

One friend, Ara, showed me a way to help that was easy and soothing to the spirit. You don't have to worry that you've been duped because you helped with your eyes open and your heart in the right place. As a rule, Ara's philosophy is to never give money to beggars - she gives food. She feels that no matter who you are, you can always do with some food in your stomach. If the person needs medicine, she even takes them to the hospital to get the proper medical attention and to verify the prescription.

I have learned a thing or two from her. Now, when we do not have food in the house, I give outgrown clothes, slippers, shoes, or whatever I don't need or use much that the other person might. Like the odd plate, fork, spoon or cup.

My friend, Betty, blessed with sisters who sends her clothes and things from here and abroad gives, with no strings attached, anything of hers in excess to friends. (I have been a recipient of her generosity.) And she always has things set aside for people who come to ask for help, especially during the Christmas holidays.

One of the things I have learned from her is that it's never too early to practice generosity. Even her children have picked up the habit: they set aside whatever clothes, toys or things they have and do not need and which they can bear to give away. She impresses upon them that since they have so much to be thankful for, one of the ways they can thank God in return is to share what they can with the less fortunate.

From her example, my youngest child who is four-years-old, is now aware that she can make other children happy by sharing. When we go out, she sometimes brings some of the clothes she has set aside to give to street children we see along the way.

It doesn't take much to touch someone and change their lives for the better. Try it. See how it makes you feel. Doing with less because you have given to and helped your fellow human being is truly more. It adds a dimension to your life and fills a fundamental need to be of service to our fellowmen and to make a positive contribution to society.

Reach out and share. As promised in the Bible, you will be rewarded a hundredfold.

Jean Piaget’s Theory of Assimilation and Accommodation Given the Recent Discoveries on Brain Development

2004-10-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

Jean Piaget was born in 1896 in Neuchâtel, a region in Switzerland famous for its watches and wines, and died in 1980 in Geneva, Switzerland’s capital. He has proven precocious even at an early age. When he was ten years old, he published a paper on a sighting of an albino sparrow in the park to let the librarian give him access to the university library. In his teens, he published articles about mollusks that made him a well-known malacologist in Europe.

Piaget’s early interest was in biology but in his adolescence, he was introduced to philosophy and issues of epistemology by his godfather. He went on to study experimental psychology, logic and psychopathology. After his formal education, he worked with Theodore Simon, a codeveloper with Alfred Binet of an intelligence test for children. He was not interested, though, on merely getting the right and wrong responses of children but rather, on why they answered the way they did and this led to his lifelong interest in the thought processes of children, the result of which is his most famous and enduring contribution to humanity.

He married Valentine Châtenay, one of his research assistants and they had three children who became Piaget’s subjects in his research on cognitive development. He was widely criticized for using his children as subjects although when his findings with them proved valid on thousands of other children, the criticisms were silenced. Piaget, it must be noted, did not believe in experimenting with his subjects but rather, on simply observing and interviewing them and noting down his observations and their responses in a coherent manner. This is otherwise known as the clinical method.

In his lifetime, Piaget held numerous positions in prestigious organization and from childhood up to his death in 1980 at the age of 84, was always productive and always had work in progress. Evidence of his profound influence on global culture, TIME Magazine has voted him as one of the top 100 scientists and thinkers of this century. Although there are objections here and there on some of his propositions, his impact is indeed immeasurable.

PIAGET’S THEORY OF ASSIMILATION AND ACCOMMODATION

Prior to Piaget, psychological thinking about children’s cognitive development was an either/or proposition: it was either nature or nurture. Either cognitive development was a biological-maturation process or an environmental-learning one.

Using the clinical method of asking children open-ended questions, Piaget came to the conclusion that children are constantly “experimenting”, i.e. testing their current theories and modifying when necessary.

He proposed that children start with limited schemata. Schema (singular for schemata) is the term Piaget used to signify the general potential of an organism to engage in a class of overt or covert actions; it can also be thought of as an element in an organism’s cognitive structure. He further stated that as children grow older, their schemata get extended. This expansion results from children trying to understand novel objects and events in terms of their existing schemata. If an object or event fits into an existing schema, then the child is said to assimilate the new experience. Assimilation, then, is simply matching something new into an existing schema. In the event, though, when a new concept cannot simply be assimilated – it is near enough to an existing schema, but not quite - then the child has to accommodate the new experience by modifying his schemata, thus extending his theory of the world. This process is, of course, termed as accommodation.

From these observations, Piaget came to the conclusion that cognitive development is nature and nurture. Piaget believes that an organism is born with rudimentary schemata and through interaction with his environment, expands these schemata. It must also be noted that Piaget observed that children go through biological developmental stages that make accommodation of certain concepts possible. A child of two, for example, would not be ready to assimilate the concept that objects can have several features (ex. color, size, and shape). Being unable to assimilate this concept, he, of course, cannot accommodate it into his schemata. It is only when a child is around seven to eleven years old that he is developmentally ready to accommodate this concept.

Therefore, Piaget believes that nature’s role in cognitive development is the biological maturation of the mind making it ready for an organism to assimilate experiences and that the role of “nurture” is the opportunity provided by the environment by presenting novel objects and events that a child can accommodate into his schemata. Thus, without both nature and nurture, there will be no such thing as cognitive development.

THE EVOLUTION OF THE BRAIN

Over millions of years of evolution, the brain has grown from the bottom up, with its higher centers developing as elaborations of lower, more ancient parts.

The most primitive part of the brain, shared with all species that have more than a minimal nervous system, is the brainstem surrounding the top of the spinal cord. This primitive brain cannot be said to think or learn; it merely regulates basic life functions like breathing and the metabolism of the body’s other organs, as well as controlling stereotyped reactions and movements.

From the brainstem emerged the emotional centers of the brain. A key layer of the emotional center is the limbic system that surrounds the brainstem. As it evolved, the limbic system refined two powerful tools: learning and memory. Millions of years later, these emotional centers evolved into the thinking brain or neocortex. The neocortex was piled on top of the primitive thin two-layered cortex – the regions that plan, comprehend what is sensed, and coordinate movement. The neocortex is the seat of thought: it contains the centers that put together and comprehend what the senses perceive; it adds to a feeling what we think about it – and allows us to have feelings about ideas, art, symbols and imaginings; it gives us the talent for strategizing, long-term planning, and other mental activities.

For each and every one of us today, the growth of our brain as human embryos roughly retraces this evolutionary course that the human brain has undergone.

RECENT DISCOVERIES IN BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

One of the discoveries that have come out of neuroscience laboratories in recent years is that the electrical activity of the brain cells changes the physical structure of the brain. What is also amazing is that babies are born with more that 100,000,000,000 brain cells and a trillion glial (Greek for glue) cells that protects and nourishes the neurons. The brain is thus born with two types of cells: nerve cells, which transmit and receive messages, and support cells, which nourish and protect the nerve cells.

Performing autopsies on the brains of infants and young children who died unexpectedly and using the latest in technology, neuroscientists report that an embryo’s brain produces more neurons, or nerve cells, than it needs then eliminates the excess. The surviving neurons spin out axons, the long-distance transmission lines of the nervous system. At their ends, the axons spin out multiple branches that temporarily connect with many targets, called dendrites. Spontaneous bursts of electrical activity strengthen some connections while those that are not reinforced by activity, atrophy. After birth, a second growth spurt occurs as axons and dendrites make new synapses due to the flood of stimuli that a newborn child experiences. A synapse is the minute space between a nerve cell and another nerve cell, a muscle cell, etc., through which nerve impulses are transmitted from one to the other. Synapses are junctions at which neurons meet, but do not touch. It is the synapse that releases chemicals to cross the gap between neurons. When a particular connection is constantly used, synaptic activity and electrical impulses in that connection is also very active which results in its being retained and manifesting itself as part of a person’s repertoire of skills, for example. This is otherwise known as “wiring”. From the terminology used, our brain is like a house with an incomplete electrical installation with work in progress. Axons meeting dendrites is wiring while rewiring is when an existing connection is severed and the concerned axon separates from its partner dendrite and connects with another dendrite – in cases of trauma, for example.

It must also be noted that most growth in the brain after birth involves support cells rather than new nerve cells. In addition to their other functions, support cells direct the production of a fatty, white substance called myelin that sheathes the nerve cells and makes possible efficient transmission of the electro-chemical signals by which the cells communicate. Myelin, then, is to nerve cells what insulation is to electrical wires.

Noteworthy in the recent discoveries on brain development is that infants are wired not only for such vital functions as heartbeat and breathing but that by around two months, the motor-control centers of the brain have developed to the point that babies can reach out and grab a nearby object; by around four months, the cortex begins to refine the connections needed for depth perception and 20-20 vision; and around twelve months, the speech centers of the brain are ready to be used. Therefore, as time goes on, more and more bodily activities come under the control of the cerebral cortex. Primitive reflexes begin to disappear around the third month, as the developing cortex overrides the lower motor centers. It is the cortex that is responsible for the higher conceptual functions: allowing him to remember the past, imagine the future, find solutions to problems and create ideas. Alison Gopnik, a cognitive psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, says, “Contrary to traditional beliefs, toddlers think in a logical manner, arriving at abstract principles early and quickly. They think, draw conclusions, make predictions, look for explanations, and even do experiments.”

CONCLUSION

Clearly, Jean Piaget got it right when he first proposed in the 1920’s, a time of raging debates on nature versus nurture, that nature and nurture were not in contradiction but were, in fact, in tandem in their contribution to cognitive development. To paraphrase what Dr. Stanley Greenspan, a psychiatrist at George Washington University, so quaintly stated, “Nature and nurture is not in competition; they are in a dance.”

Although this paper is limited the Piaget’s theory of assimilation and accommodation, I would like to point to the fact that given the recent discoveries on brain development, Piaget’s stages of development has proven wanting. Contrary to children having only very limited schemata, children, even infants, come equipped with a more sophisticated schemata than Piaget proposed. His age grouping on the various stages of development has also proven debatable. Children can assimilate and accommodate more complicated concepts earlier than Piaget allowed. Still, his theory of assimilation and accommodation has held fast to its validity.

Recent discoveries prove that without an interaction with the environment, the brain cannot change and grow. Billions of neurons will die from lack of use and synapses cannot be formed to be utilized by the organism for its survival and betterment. For Piaget, only through an “intelligent” act can man learn. As defined by Piaget, intelligence means the interaction and adaptation of an organism to its environment: in other words, assimilating and accommodating. Even computers depend upon the concept of building upon existing cognitive structures. For those of us who have used computers, when we ask for something that it cannot connect to its existing program, it cannot perform what we ask of it. Even in evolution itself, assimilation and accommodation has always been the underlying principle.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

A. BOOKS

Rita L. Atkinson et al., Hilgard’s Introduction to Psychology, 12th edition. Florida: Harcourt Brace and Company, 1996.

Robert A. Doyle (Ed.), Developing Your Child’s Potential. Virginia: Time-Life Books Inc., 1987.

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books, 1995

B.R. Hergenhann, An Introduction to Theories of Learning. New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 1976.

Victoria Neufeldt (Ed.), Collier’s Dictionary. New York: Simon and Schuster, Inc., 1994.

Richard Walker, Brain, Our Body’s Nerve Center. Connecticut: Grolier Educational, 2001

B. MAGAZINES

J. Madeleine Nash, “Fertile Minds”, Time Magazine, February 24, 1997, pp. 29-36.

C. CDROMS

Samuel S. Snyder, “Jean Piaget”, Grolier Interactive Inc., 1997.

D. WEBSITES

George Boeree, “Jean Piaget”, http://www.crystalinks.com/piaget.html

Seymour Papert, “TIME 100: Scientists & Thinkers - Jean Piaget”, http://www.time.com/

“Are Babies Smarter Than Adults”, USA Today, Dec. 1999, http://www.findarticles.com

“Brain Development is Remarkable During First Few Years”, USA Today, Aug. 1999, http://www.findarticles.com

“Jean Piaget”, http://www.fmarion.edu/psych/bio/piaget.htm

“Jean Piaget”, http://www.unige.ch/piaget/biog.html

Note: This paper was written as a requirement for the M.A. in School Management subject: Psychology of Learning.

Amazing God

2004-10-13T21:31:00.000+08:00

As you can see from the postings, I just started this blog today.

I'm the type of learner who prefers to do things the hard way: trial and error.

So, there I was trying to create this blog and I'm now at the third step: choosing a template. I click view and it shows a template. Since I'd like to find out what the other templates look like, I click another template and for some inexplicable reason, it goes back to asking my URL or something...I type what I've already thought would be a good address and it says it's unavailable (when initially it didn't say anything of the sort!!!) Anyway, despite my being a slow learner, I finally figured out that I shouldn't keep on clicking samples and just make up my mind! And I finally created my own blog and the address that made the grade is: surrenderandwin.

Isn't God amazing? I'm so happy to have a blog that reminds me that surrender ensures my success. I've been so full of self-will in the past 40+ years, my road to serenity, peace of mind and some modicum of success has been sooooo slow.

It is my hope that when you view this blog by serendipity or by design, you will smile and be reminded that "easy does it" is the best way to go.

Experience how God can be amazing in your life, too. Let go and let Him. Surrender and win.

There's Always a First Time

2004-10-13T20:58:00.000+08:00

My very best friend in the whole wide world (literally...he lives halfway across the world from me; 15 time zones away) just showed me his blog and I was intrigued. I told him, "Am I willing to expose myself to negative comments?" I, who am very insecure despite my very self-confident (sometimes called aggressive and/or arrogant) exterior...but, as a member of a 12 step group for 9 years now, maybe it's time to test whether I've developed enough strength and perspective to make myself vulnerable.

There's always a first time...